I weighed myself this morning - coming in at 55 kilo’s. I think I will see my weight going up and down as is normal. I just needed to get my head around it as at my size drops and gains of 2 kilo’s plus do have a great effect on the body. Funny - when I was large 2 kilo’s just was lost on me.

I feel that my DS is trying to effect a balancing act here. I had a lightbulb moment when it occurred to me this morning that the focus I make now must remain on my health and sod the weight - it will do what it must (as it always has!). If I am going to be 55 or 65 kilo’s - is not up to me, whether I want it or not.  I think I must accept what is going down - accept that my body is not a static phenomena.  Accept that fat or thin others will opine about my body.  There will always be jealousy, competition and disappointment out there & I can’t make it good. So I will just make the best of things no matter my weight. Get off the weight obsession…because tbh I am fed up with it - it’s as bad on the lower rung as it was when I was obese & I must be free of it and I know this freedom has nowt to do with anyone else. It has only got to do with me - with my own perceptions. And as my perceptions have been skewed in the past - time to get them straight now!   So new resolution - ACCEPT.  As I am not in the danger zone there is no need for creon etc.  I do so fight for control when I know - or should know- that the DS does it’s own thing. The only control I have has to do with eating well  and ensuring my supplements are taken. Mmmmm…something I just can’t swing back into - I must get it together very soon now else I will be playing with fire. It’s odd how a break from the Vits has disrupted things - it’ll take some effort now to build it back into a habit, but hopefully it won’t take too long.

Not much else to write about. Photi is still not home, I know I know but I keep hoping even when my gut feel knows it won’t happen. I am progressing with the recovery - I still have an odd stingy pain internally particularly when I am tired, but most of the time I am really much better now. :-)

Feel like french toast now - cream, syrup, cinnamon. And a mango sliced over the ensemble. Pete bought a box full of the sweetest Indian yellow mangos from a local Indian deli - they are sublime!  :-)