Dances with DS

This morning I wrote a whole post in my head and the day has passed and I have forgotton much of my head writing!

It’s been a busy time for me lately - most of it is spent in our cloakroom a teeny space no bigger than a metre and a half long and less than a meter wide. I am bodged up in there, perched on a ladder stool, paintbrush in hand trying to finish off this blessed house of mine. There is still a long way to go. I wish we could afford people to come in and decorate. But everytime I get a quote it seems to me they want close to my surgeons hourly rates.

In the end we go it alone. Up until a couple of months ago we only had one loo in the house and one tucked in the office way down the back of our garden. I have taken desperate bum clenching runs down the garden path many a time. So I decided we should clear out the mess that had become the guest loo and put in a new toilet and basin. No mean feat in this minute space. But it is done. Pete installed all the electrics and plumbing and my lad Luke did the tiling. Now I am left to do the painting and the finishing touches.

With finishing touches in mind we visited a paper and ephemera fair yesterday. I had the bright idea of spicing up the decor with a few old Victorian ‘Risque’ photo’s. I dunno where my head was. In my mind I saw seductive eyes, lacy long johns, gloves and other feminine trappings and the saucy yearnings in the eyes of a beautiful but supressed lady.

Pete and I entered this huge hall packed with slightly greying men with sort of bookish specs on…and tables laden with carefully catalogued collections that must be close to a lifetimes work - some of them.

I found some very nice old Pears ads - with funny things written on it. Also a good Art Nouveau picture advertising Erasmic soap. The lady depicted on it is all that…fresh and beautifully full of tasteful Art Nouveau swirls and curls. Then I decided to be bold enough to shuffle over to the more ‘risque’ side of life. I had to laugh as some people had tastefully covered their pics to be unearthed by foragers such as me! Actually it was an awful task. I kept thinking the men were thinking I must have a lesbian bent or something. (not that I have anything against homosexuality at all…but you know it’s like putting ones preferences out there and preferences I don’t even have.)Why else would I be rifling through the saucy side of their collections! I kept calling Pete over for moral support - so probably they thought I was even more strange. It was a tad embarressing but I am not one to baulk in the face of humiliation. So there I stood rifling through one sad picture after another. Old prostitutes showing signs of the hard life. Sometimes the pictures were even a bit pathetic…and I only felt sorry for the girl posing. Sometimes they seemed depleted of energy and just plain old tired. The smiles never reached their eyes - no joy crincklies to be seen. No where my piece of sensous photo with sloe eyed beauty was to be found.

And then…maybe a couple of hundred mildy pornographic photo’s later and thanks to my ability to be like a pit bull in the face of adversity, I found the one. It made my breath stop for a moment. No tasteful nude or risqueness in it either.It is a photo of a moment of joy. Two dancers are moving barefoot accross the dance floor. The woman is in full command of her body and she smiles in a beautifully unposed way. Her head is tilted back …she is the dance. I get that. Her shadow is reflected on the wall. Her dignity and femininity is right there. It is just pure elegance. Sensuality at it’s best.
I am pleased as punch.

Now, I am hungry. There is a huge beef joint waiting to be cooked for dinner. I know it is a bit odd to eat a joint not on a Sunday but it was a good price and tomorrow we will have beef and mustard sandwiches. That’s my excuse anyway.

We will eat spinach and baby potato’s with it. And gravy. After that I will go back to the little room and resume the endless painting.

My mum is going to need surgery soon. She has really bad diverticulitis (we hope this is all, but it’s bad enough). I’m gutted. She’s my best friend in the whole world and I love her to bits. My Nana had her colon operated on, mine is rearranged and now my mum. Makes one think. She’s being her usual feisty self and I’m trying to be supportive long distance, but how I hate the distance at these times. Most likely Pete & I will go down in April and be able to really gauge things better.

Today we could not ignore the gorgeous weather here. Jumped into Pete’s car, hood down, little Zennie dog on my lap and off to the Hills. I love that place. We walked Zenni at ‘The Blue Pond’ , a natural marvel of clear blue water. It was wonderful. The thing I found most shocking really (in a good way) was that I remember going there when I was obese. It was a helluva walk, a monumental effort on my part. I’d do my usual puffing-sweating act and rest every few metres or so, pretending of course that I was just admiring the view. It’s been an age since we walked there and today I was amazed at how short the walk actually is. And how easy. Little pleasures in my life. Little reminders that the voices in my head are just that. The energy in my body - now that is a wonderment!

I am off the carb shite. Thank heavens. I think I was badly caught in a very addictive cycle since xmas. I do have to smile wryly. For a long time I was off carbs , seldom ate them at all. Was feeling a tad sanctimonious. Couldn’t ‘get it’ when people said they ‘had’ to have them. Well, I could really based on my morbid obesity days - but post DS I hated the taste of them. Still do really but when you are in a chemical biological cycle …it matters not. Then over this xmas the chickens came home to roost. I do understand now. It always takes a kick up the bum though!

Today I am craving & I mean CRAVING meat. Beef to be precise. A homemade hamburger patty (no bun) to be even more precise. With mushroom and cheese sauce on it and onions. On a bed of South African yellow sweetpotato. I shall have to go visit Mr Atifs shop. He stocks fantastic veggies and the best fruit out.

I kicked off the day by eating scrambled eggs & bacon with mushrooms and onions. I have got the need for mushroom & onion too so I will be a bit repetitive today. The thing is my whole gut is just so much better since the carb fever has died down.
I am off to do a wee spot of gardening Don’t want to miss out on such a fine day. I bought a stunning little rose with cherry red flowers on it already. I had to buy it. It was standing in the local builders supplies yard on a grey, windy, miserable day last week and it’s red blooms were bravely shining out in the gloom of the day. How could I resist!