Dances with DS

My DS is still working like the little bit of magic it is. Yesterday we went to our favourite Pub in Guildford - The Percy Arms to enjoy a South African braai (barbeque). It is always a wonderful drive through leafy countryside and the pub has a lot of pizzaz. It also boasts a fine menu - loads of meaty stuff so very good for a hungry DSer.

Pete went for the huge multi grill - borewors, a piece of steak, & a lamb chop plus self help salads. Just too much for me so I settled for 2 prime huge lamb chops and quite big portions of very mayonaised coleslaw and yummy potato salad - equally mayoed & so delicious.

Last night I had some time on the loo - evicting all the fat. Look away if you get queasy easily, but the fat in the pan was evident to see. I am suprised I could hold it. Such a large amount of fat can cause seepage and rushing in the first years. I think my spincter control is pretty excellent - lol!  It does look like xenical is responsible, but it really is without the dreadful side effects I used to get from xenical.  No cramping, no staining of the knickers, no extreme rushing & butty clenching. No humiliating accidents. My DS still works marvellously so I did not mind the loo forays in the least. I don’t usually eat such a huge amount of fat (although I eat quite enough!) but it’s good to know if I do, excess still gets sorted 4 years down the line. Ace surgery this. Without it I know I would be gaining weight fast, if I even was still here to write my many little tales.

It’s a lovely weekend just catching up with my family. Spent some good quality time with my 3 young adults just chatting and listening. I am dead proud of them…lovely kids if I say so myself!

Still wardrobing…could it become a new sport? LOL. All the unpacking and sorting and repacking and bending and climbing on chairs to get up high enough - it’s pretty knackering!

Plans and visions in the head of the house plans - so much to do in a short time. Must update my website too…needs an overhaul.

I’m at it again!  To get internet access in South Africa is a nightmare - it is soooo slow. One night I tried to get into my blog but 2 hours later I gave up.  I missed my own blogging - how sad is that! LOL.

Today the diahorrea is resolved mercifully.  Quick action usually does it for me except when a bug is prevailing.  So I am pleased about that.

Talking of bugs I have thought further on the 2 course antibiotic cocktail I was on. I worry when people take flagyl and still no effect. I wonder if there are not a few DSers with C-diff about.  Sometimes with the DS people suffer so long before finding out there is a med that could help - or a behaviour trick.

I ate like a horse yesterday and today my panni seems flat again - how strange this is.  It must be protein related.  I’m resolving to go back to 3 eggs a day as I went off them a while and it shows. I just don’t look as healthy, it’s minor stuff but my hair is less shiny and nails a little more brittle. Interesting to me how one daily ingestion of a certain type of food can make such a difference.  I think in many ways the DS is about the fine tuning things we do.  The little things we do make a difference.

I’m also pondering the business of eating. My volume of food is often just enough to cover basic needs. I often feel I really don’t have the old fixation with food. This has it’s positive for sure but the negative is that low volume does seem to impact on me. I notice looser stools and on scanty days I notice diahorrea.  I wonder if it is not a case of use it or lose it.  Volume of food seems to keep my guts in good condition…my bowels definately function better.  I’m less water retentive too (the panni seems to indicate this.) I’m talking the right foods here - not the carby stuff…but fresh veggies and stuff like yogurt and the odd fruit. It’s taken me an age to see a link but I don’t think I am imagining this.  I wish I knew the underlying metabolics of  this .   How weird to think that eating more  has such a positive impact.

I’m going to explore some interesting veggie recipes.  Many can boost protein too - I am thinking of  things like broccoli cheese or cauliflower cheese.   I love a bowl of raw carrots  mixed with walnuts and a freshly squeezed orange over it - or baked sweet potato with cashews and ginger. In South Africa a friend , Rajendra, cooked us the most stunning meal. Chicken Tikka but best of all a carrot raita to go with it.   He made it by sauteeing grated carrots till just soft and adding them to a mild bio yogurt.  The result was I could not stop!   He said  that one can make a cucumber version too but I think carrots are  more nourishing.
Veggies need not  be proteinless…by adding protein rich foods one gets a double benefit. Another plus is that they are filling and prevent the need  to scoff simple carbs.

I so often hear of DSers struggling with carbs - if they ate  enough of the right carbs these urges would disappear….at best. At worst there would be less space to do damage with junk.   Little tricks can go a long way.  Just eating in an order can drive out the carb demons…protein first, complex carbs next,  big portions of both…..after that one only wants a little of the junkstuff. So darned simple and so worth the impact on ones health.  I often think if it is so simple then why the heck do people not try it?   I hypothesise that once one is cycling in junkland one is confusing the bodies signalling system no end prompting it to release chemicals that set up addictive patterns. It’s going to take a week of effort to rewrite the habits but it’s very possible. And no reason to be bored either.  Part of breaking it might be cooking inventively, trying new flavours and combo’s making cheese sauce with brie instead of cheddar always, adding herbs and spices,  trying new and strange veggies.  If I looked at a mound of frozen veggies and the ubiquitous overcooked broccoli at mealtimes I swear I would resort to junk carbs too!
Anyway - I’m no saint & I write the above for myself too as I need a kick up my jacksie. At my stage I kind of waft along - planless. I do the basics but forget the impact of the small extra stuff…like loads of milk & the old eggs. Like ensuring at each meal there is a red, green and yellow veggie on my plate.  So time to pull up my socks & make this DS positively vibrate with health! I challenge all WLS patients to join me on a two week innovative healthy cooking spree and I would love any recipes you have that meet the criteria.  E-mail me.
I’m off to sort the ever sorting wardrobe.  This flurry of activity is due to the fact that as usual I have been accumulating clothing.   I took so long to hit on clothing that is MY expression.  I went through the lamb dressed as mutton phase,   the boho  phase,  the tight jeans phase and in all of them I felt odd.   Add to that the loss of iro 18 dress sizes…it’s bloody confusing!  I bit the bullet in SA  and designed a range of capsule clothing that is my own. Then I went to a wonderful  dressmaker and had the range made up in fabrics of my choice.  I’m here now standing in my range of layered clothing that is simple in design but great to wear and I feel so good at last. I like simple flowing stuff, interesting textures like tweed and nubby raw silk.   In the past I could not get away with layering my clothing - I just looked even fatter and baggy not flowy!  Now as a skinny minnnie it suits me to wear slightly fitted but still flowy gear.    So time to weed out the remenants of my past and streamline my wardrobe.  

It’s wonderful to feel a summer here.  I’m mooching about in the garden watching all the bird life. Teeny exquisite chaffinches dart through the conifers. My robin friend comes to investigate & the wood pidgeons are still convenining in the red beech tree.  Sadly some of my more delicate maples are not too well due to the heat.  I am hoping they will recover and lavishing TLC on them.

I miss South Africa - miss the family. We are a close bunch.  But good to be back with my own hubby and children.

Today a bout of the miserable trots - I don’t know why but am hoping it’s not a bug. I think I was not eating enough so have been strong on the food today - activia yogurt and burgens for stool binding fibre plus an extra dose of calcium powder and some acidophilus. Odd, but not eating enough food sometimes gives me the runs.
I hope it is not a repeat of my first two days in South Africa when I got a nasty bug that had me on the loo every five minutes through several nights. Luckily I know an ace GP there and she put me on flagyl as well as another strong antibiotic that sorted things out. I was interested in her dual approach with the antibiotics - this she said was to ensure anything not wapped by flagyl would be sorted. Made sense to me - I wonder sometimes if concurrent with flagyl we should not take a drug to kill of C-diff - but what do I know?  I speculate and opine as usual!

There is much to do here.  I think we must sieze the day and extend our house - perhaps it will be more pleasurable to live in. Have drawn up rough plans for an architect.

Also researching from afar plastics in SA. I think I shall be the guinea pig & go down next year to effect more bodily changes. If it works well & things are successful I may consider helping others to access  surgery there…we shall see, it’s a big work.

Still sorting the house out too - so much needs doing as usual. Pete and I will go to Paris this month just a 3 day togetherness break. He works too hard and a rest will do him good.  I can’t wait - really excited about this…got the old travel guide out. Feel like I am on my two feet again at last and ready - so ready to fly into life. After I had my DS I used to think the Prof planted a seed of desire for life in me. I really really felt I had to get out and enjoy everyday for the first time in years. After this recent surgery I feel that seed has blossommed. My priorities are not so skewed and my lust for life is enormous. I feel I am on borrowed time (as are we all BUT I FEEL it) & it is all so precious not a drop must be wasted. I don’t want to be focussing on the small shite - I want to  step into the larger picture of this one small life on every level.   Each day I meditate on  insight and pray for more compassion.

I know so little but I do know life is a blessing and gift…right through all our times of suffering and our moments of angst.  We just got to keep on finding the miracle of it all.

It’s a strange thing to go through extreme stress. Those of you who read my blog know I had just this with my Bowel Obstruction surgery. Stress has a way of showing on the face. Before the surgery I could (just) live with the deep lines on my forehead and upper lip but after surgery I became desperately aware that where I once looked just wrinkled , I now resembled a sharpei puppy. I avoided the old lippy as I did not want to draw attention to the lines on my upper lip. A small thing indeed , but I can’t describe the fun I am having doing the girlie lippy thing now!

It took some courage but I trust my brother in law so this made it easier. He is a dedicated surgeon & he does botox and restyline as an aside to his speciality of rhinoplasty, ear nose & throat surgery. I arrived in his office slathered in bum cream for heammaroids (numbs the skin) and toked up on the old panado. Pain is not my strongest point. I was petrified.

As it was it really was not too bad…the botox is very bearable and felt somewhere between the level of a bee & musquito sting. A sharp prick and a gritty noise for a second or so.

The restyline is more painful. I had decided just to do the upper lip but Martin suggested it would look unbalanced and that I should have a subtle pout to the lower lips as well. Then he got a bit excited (winks!) and said he had plenty of the restyline left so how about we tackle the marionette lines on either side of my face. I was to adrenalined to care and so the wee job became a bit more of a job. The folds on my jowls were deep in any event. Not too bad there as I felt the needle depositing the restyline. But my lower lip stung and swelled up to a guppylike look. I had panic attacks for 3 days as I looked at the new smoochers in the mirror. I imagined allergic reactions etc but the swelling did subside. Unfortunately my lip now looked plumped on one side only. Panic. I called Martin and went in to have the other side evened out. We decided the jowl lines needed tweaking too. My feeling is botox is a cinch but restyline or other fillers are a notch away from simplicity. For a start there is instant facial swelling that means it is hard to reach symmetry. I’d not do this without acknowledgement from a surgeon that there would be a second tweaking if required.

I am now delighted with the results. My forehead is hugely improved and I still get some expression on the lower forehead which prevents that stretched expressionless look. It took 4 days for the botox to finally smooth out the deep lines. I cannot crease my forehead, but it feels marvelously relaxed and I am not aware of any numbness at all.

My lip crevices are very much better though still lightly visible. But I can wear foundation and lippy without it collecting in the lines. I’m glad I had the pout and jowl lines sorted too. It has definately knocked off years. I am not looking 20 something - but god dammit I am no longer looking 50 either! It’s wonderful. Much less invasive than a face lift and I think in my forties I can stave a facelift off now because of it. People tell me I look relaxed and friends think the results are amazing but perfectly subtle. I’m dead pleased & I’d have no hesitation doing either procedure again.

Doing my face has made me feel better about not doing my boobies and tum ….though I think next year I will take the leap. I have possibly found my man for these jobs. He restyored a friend of mine in South Africa beautifully after her massive weightloss & is a perfectionist plus highly experienced. 4000 pounds is a realistic possibility for me too. But more research is required.

I learned with my face that a little difference can go a long way & I am thinking that the boobs really do not need major scar inducing stuff. Can a lift be done through the armpits - with removal of skin done around the aureola? I am speculating. On the TT score too…I don’t need major stuff. I’m going to try to study the whole thing more carefully so I go into it as carefully as I did with my DS.

I don’t know where to begin this post. Do I start with how my country has changed or do I write of the wonderful feeling that it is to be surrounded by family and friends. My time in Cape town was amazing.  It was busy but in the best way.  Things have changed there - the crime is just mindblowing. The murders are frequent and senseless. A watch or mobile phone for your life. The papers are full of corruption. The ANC now wish to label our coloured people as ’second class citizens’ and of course us whities will be third class. Blacks will be ‘first class’. How ironic and defeating. Made me smile bitterly - how dreadfully reminiscent of the Verwoerd era of apartheid. Has nothing been learned?  It just never ends it seems. Racism is alive and very well in South Africa.  Sadly.  I know I cannot go back to the lies, the manipulations, the fear factors and deep inside me I grieve for that fact.  I was a child/teenager in the apartheid era and that was enough. More than anything I wanted to see it end and with Mandela we waited for the day that our country would see peace and freedom. Such sweet dreams.  We  had opportunity to leave  before Mandelas release  but we wanted to vote him in before we left - to celebrate and vision & hope.   I remember the day he was released so well  - like yesterday.  When we left for the UK I felt we had  left in the spirit of great hope and  that the country had seen a closure on corrupt  & evil politics.   It had too until our  recent president who so loves the great wide lap of luxury and power.   How well he and his gathering live  while the endless  squatter camps and human misery sprawls in huts of iron & cardboard all over the land. It is worse than it ever was.
Aside from this crown of  thorns, not a day passed when I did not enjoy the people of my country - the diversity and the friendliness. All over are small saints that give generously to try to better conditions for others even though they themselves know poverty. It’s touching.

I read the papers for three days then decided that looking at the mountains would be a better way to go. Above my moms house the mountain was as always majestic. This time cloaked in a new mossy green after the huge fires that raged last time I was there. Fynbos is reappearing and I would lie in bed looking out my window at this beautiful sight  each day. It was bitterly cold - the cape winds blew  the rain in sheets across the mountains but I was toasty and warm in bed with my electric blanket for comfort.  Bliss.

Being with my family was a highlight - I spent the best times eating gorgeous lovingly cooked Cape meals - sweet potato with ginger, tenderest lamb, gemsquash laden with butter.  We ate with my friend Rajendra the most incredible feast - lamb curry with ginger and garlic, chikken tikka, carrot raita, samossas to die for. With Petes family - more food - tea tables laden with carrot cake and other sweet treats. Wherever I went the tables overflowed and I felt like the prodigal daughter!  The family babies played and hugged and we laughed a lot and enjoyed eachothers company. Family and dear friends - there is nothing better in the world!

Just before I left I had the feeling that I was at last healed from the surgery. And in my heart too because I could reach out and extend my love in person and recieve love too - in person. One thing to love distantly - quite another to gaze into the faces of the people we love so dearly.

The time moved too fast.  Each day was a nugget of things to treasure - being with my mom, eating crayfish at the charming little kalkbay harbour, fat seals swimming close up to feast on the Saturday fish markets cast offs…happy days spent exploring the old shops full of bric a brac - art, antiques and also the tourist crap on offer!  Social eatings and frequent visits to the dressmaker for fittings.  A trip to the dentist (ugh!) and the biggest leap for me bang into the world of botox and restyline - but more about this adventure on my face later.  For now I am home & there is unpacking to do and today I just want to drink in my Pete & children.