Dances with DS

I feel as if I have fallen off the planet recently.  In actual fact it has been a fall that has set me back…but alas not a leap off the planet, rather a bottom end up fall out of my bed that left me in the weirdest position ever hanging onto Ruby my dogs tail.

If that sounds bizarre - it is.  There I was having a nice little snooze late afternoon, dreaming a brilliant adventure dream, when the mother of all dog fights broke loose right next to me.  Ruby had encroached on Zens space (his basket is beside my side of the bed, Ruby’s is on Pete’s side) and Zen decided to transmute into a lion.  All bravery he is - but this little guy is feather light and Ruby is a bull terrier (for heaven sakes Zenni!).

I did not see what caused the ruckus as I was awakened rudely. In my groggy angst to get out of bed as fast as I could to  put both dogs firmly in place I absailed off the edge of the bed.  I ended up as I said in a semi headstand,(quite how is a mystery to me) bottom up in the air having smacked my hands hard into the nearby wardrobe.  Bodged like an upturned sack of potatoes in a corner,  quite literally.

As Zen’s growling turned to yelping and I imagined Ruby finishing him off for good, I managed to grab her tail to which I clung in that crazy up side down position while yelling my squashed head off for help and for the dogs to stop it. Simultaneously I had  a rare out of body experience that filled me with terrible shame at my inept contortion and position. Like a snapshot I got an aerial view of myself…and not just that as if in the distance I could hear my pitiful muffled yelling.  It was raw panic but not unfounded.  A bullie in a temper is not a pretty thing and Zen is despite his bravado (or is it just plain silliness) a frail old boy nowadays.

My son Matt came running and seperated the dogs while I tried to uncontort myself from my elastic-man position. The dogs were fine - not a bite on Zen thank goodness. But I was not so fine.  My neck ached. My hand knuckles were  swelling rapidly as I stared at them & throbbing like the blazers.  I swallowed a zinc tablet fast and pondered eating a hunk of cheese.  This happens to me every time I injure myself - I start to wonder if I have the nutritional stores to recover on account of my weight loss surgery. So paranoid am I.  

Roll on the next few days and I got pretty adept at typing on the computer with one unbruised finger. Interim I had just started a mission of a project to renovate a bureau (for said computer). It was standing tackily half painted in my small diningroom awaiting attention.  It was surrounded by a clutter of newspaper, sanding equipment, paints and rollers etc. It encroached on the room space and everyone had to move around the darned thing to access the kitchen because I had not thought this out properly before my fall.    I took painkillers and plugged on with the job, which mercifully is done now.

I have a viper of a backpain left as a reminder of all my bedside antics and will probably subject myself to the local chinese healer tomorrow.  Sorry if I go on about it like a neurotic, but I’m just having a small pity party. I know I am lucky I never broke a bone and that this happened thank goodness not in public    - but my pride is still mending. I feel as if I have hobbled through the past days and accomplished so very little that my last post of all the things I was going to do - leaves me in tattered shame.

Ah, well, such is life.  I will rest most of this weekend and hopefully next week I will be able to sort all the backlog better.

I think I landed today in the UK in my head. The body has been here for a few days but the head has refused to accept it. I always struggle to adjust after travelling and this time it’s been no exception.

I spent most of the morning walking miles through the car booty crowds that had turned out in full force. I bought some clothes…agggain!  My wardrobe is already in dire overflow but that is the problem with being a small size everything fits and feels good! One doesn’t even need to try things on which amazes me as this used to be the bane of my life when my body was big. All that contorting and effort only to still feel like nothing would ever feel right.

I also bought a deleriously kitsch pottery hen - not sure what possessed me really. Might have been the fact that the young woman selling it was trying to raise money to study. I am a sucker for a kid trying so hard.  This was compounded by the hope that alighted on the young sellers face as I picked up the darned thing. It’s only ‘£1.50′ she said.  Bless. How could I not?   Anyway the hen is now in my kitchen balefully waiting to be put to some use. Maybe it can hold eggs - how imaginative is that!  As if all this shop till one drops was not enough I spotted a turn of the century Japanese cabinet which I duly lugged back to the car. It’s suppossed to be ‘miniature’ but it weighed a ton. Each time I do this I think it is high time I invest in a ’shopper’. One of those bags on wheels my nan used to use. I can see the logic in it more & more.

I have also been reaping the benefits of home grown salad stuff out of my teeny patch. I’m on a salad drive at the moment and especially like eating ‘micro-cut’ salads.  Just red and orange peppers, cucumbers, raw courgettes, tomatoes - all very finely chopped. Into that my home grown salad lettuces again finely shredded, mizuna, land cress, coriander and chervil. The dressing is simple - balsamic syrup and vinegar, salt, pepper and good olive oil with a peppery aftertaste. The flavours and textures are fantastic and a little is acually a lot in terms of nutrient density. It’s great as a lunch with feta crumbled into it and cold meat/chicken on the side.

My garden is a joy.  I have been planting up New Guinea Impatiens in vivid pink colours. The sweet peas I planted before I left for South Africa are doing well and some of the roses are in bloom. Best of all my mud patch of grass (thanks to Ruby’s vigorous bull terrier playing)   that I reseeded, has formed a jewel green mat on the earth.  The Japanese Maples are in full leaf and  the rhodedendrons are heavy with deep cerise flowerheads. I spend as much time as I can out there pottering away getting my nails broken and hands dirty! Nearby is always my Robin friend - watching and waiting for a juicy worm as I turn the earth.  I call him ‘Mr Bright eyes’. He’s a gorgeous creature and getting tamer by the week.  Although I miss having a cat since my Foton died, the up side is that the garden seems to be full of birds now.

I’m slowly sorting through piles of pics of my Karoo trip. As I go through them I smile at the memories.  One day I will go back to this part of the earth and lay a fresh root there in some way. It has to be. I just don’t know how but there will be a way and when the time is right I will be gazing up at a night sky into a star filled galaxy once more.

For now I must focus on where I am. The new blog site needs to be finished so I can upload my pics more easily. There are necklaces to be strung and antiques screaming for restoration. There is loads to be done to my house…is it just me or does summer really show up all the areas of neglect in one’s space?  A belated spring clean is in order for the next few days. Oh the joys!

I have left my mountains and valleys and travelled through a Cape Storm at the start of the flight home that shook the plane so much I thought my DS might vibrate loose!  It was scary but it soon passed and the rest of the trip was okay.

In a month how England has changed!  It’s so pretty right now and my garden is abundantly growing and so green.

It’s wonderful to be with my darling hubby and children and dogs again too!

Still - I have a head of replay memories from being in the Karoo. The thing I love most about travelling is how one is just in the experience - unfettered by all the mental nonsense one perpetuates in regular daily life. Perhaps this is why some of us get the travel bug. When I travel I go into a pure mode of being totally open to the moment and I enjoy each and every hour of the day as if it was my first & last. Living like this is very good for me as I discard my unimportant little self to engage in Life with intensity.  It’s both therapy and meditation for me and each time I come back refreshed and feeling more psychologically free than before.  I always hope I will retain this way of being. But so far, unfortunately I soon get re-enmeshed in my anxieties, stresses etc. Still,  this time I did experience some very deep shifts in my psyche and I hope this blue sky of being that I feel does not cloud over too quickly this time!

I celebrated my  7th DS oppiversary in Cape Town.  I drove up over Boyes drive and looked out over false bay at the blue sea and I admit I had a lump in my throat. To be there and to be here as I am now. In this body that is no longer a prison of effort.  I can’t describe the lightness I feel in my limbs and my heart. There was a time I thought I was destined to become less and less able and eventually be bed ridden due to obesity. Yes, those were bleak years for me. I won’t ever forget but I also can see that in an inexplicable way all my suffering was neccessary. Even those years on the outskirts of Life in a body that was slowly suffocating me on every level.  Because of them I have learned a great deal about how it is to truly suffer, about fear, about the society we live in, about the body and it’s needs and most importantly what matters and what does not.

My DS remains a beautiful amazing blessing in my life. Without it travelling would have been a nightmare for me.   In the past month I have climbed mountains, walked miles without tiring, sat on a plane with much space in the seat and no dreaded pregnancy belt! (Will I ever forget that humilation pre-op - no.) I have eaten like a horse and had dessert every other day (and way too many sweets everyday too! South Africans have a dire sweet tooth and I am at my worst when I am in my birth country!). I only gained  2 kilo’s which is not bad considering the amount of illicit food I tucked into. I needed to gain a little more anyway…although old habits of panicking on any regain do die hard and I did baulk on the scale at first!  However in the mirror it’s not too bad at all! Little bit of a curve there now and I kind of like that.    I feel healthy and energetic. No one stared at me at any time, no one made shite comments about my weight. I only got positive comments from family and friends. My DS held up very well and since using high dose acidophilus it has only got even better…which I did not think was actually possible!   Best of all I could truly enjoy being with my little nieces.

And now - I enter year 8 of my DS this fine month of May.  If the next 7 years are as good as the past have been (let’s subtract one year worth of the bowel obstruction probs I had, maybe a month or two for when I curse the dratted piles!))…I’ll be made up.

I have regained my life and my zest for life since the surgery and I still thank my lucky stars for my DS every day.

I no longer obsess so much about bodily stuff. At least recently I have not…just one wee moment of old rehash on the scale which I was able to move past fast! So perhaps this phase of the journey is over?

I am aware of my DS, I support it, I am infinately grateful for it,  but it is only a part of my bigger picture now. For a long long time it was my entire picture and this was fair enough as living fulltime with a big surgery is a major longerterm adjustment (and it does’nt help that I am a slow learner!). But this has shifted recently into a more solidified state where  I see it as a catalyst - something that has given me the courage & wings to fly deep into my being with. Something that has brought me back to my real self (as long as I remember just who that self is!). And that is my greatest joy…not my DS per se.  But that is another story and one I am not sure I can fully verbalise just yet without it sounding like the mutterings of a mad hatter!

I was going to write a bit more about my time in the Karoo, but I think photo’s will tell it better so I will post up some in the next few days once I have re-located myself fully  and sorted them out.

Off to bed now - knackered after the long flight and subsequent ‘high’ of being back in my own home with my much loved family around me.

I’m having day disorientation. It must be 5 days already and I have not been able to clock into either time or internet! So I am scrapping the days idea and just writing as I land … right here, right now.

We have travelled deep into the Karoo now and stayed en route in an old B&B in Aberdeen. A typical but very sleepy Karoo Village with wide dirt streets and heat and dust. In Oudtshoorn, the day before we visited a wildlife center and saw white tigers and lions.

As we left Aberdeen we stopped for a coffee at a coffee shop called ‘Moer toe’ . I have never laughed so hard before as moer toe is a word that turns the hair on old religiously conservative people. I can’t find an exact english translation as it means so many things. Let’s just say it’s profoundly rude and tongue in cheek…basically it means ‘ totally fucked up.’  Still after deliberating the meaning with my family we can’t quite reach the meaning in English. The woman who runs it, Poppy is a fount of humour. The place itself is an artwork of discarded car parts, wire bits, bones, bobs. I went a bit fucked up myself and took so many pictures that today I had to buy a new memory card for my camera. I’ll post up my pics once I am back in the UK.

We are now on a farm deep in a bowl of mountains, 26 kilometers out of Graff-Reinet where the stillness is tangible. It’s incredibly beautiful. It places me back into being and sanity.

Yesterday we walked up the ‘Valley of desolation’. So aptly named. It’s a soul landscape of craggy mountain outcrops and towers where the land converges with the sky in an endless panarama. I don’t have words half the time to describe how vast, how profound it is. Better to just be quiet and drink in the mountain air and feel the hot rocks under one’s feet.

Right now I am sitting in a courtyard under an ancient vine eating yet again! Karoo people can cook a storm and I have not stopped eating it seems! Karoo lamb is often on the menu with sweet potato and spiced pumpkin. Breakfast this morning was eggs, bacon and mushroom, fruit and yogurt, muffins and thick sweet apricot jam. Preserved green figs in syrup and coffee to finish off. I am stuffed but still at it here in this restaurant courtyard.    Chicken livers and fresh salad and a milkshake that would feed 10 baby dsers for 3 days.

Problem is the food is so good and tasty! I have gained some weight I think but so be it! I’m not going to body fixate right now!

Yesterday and today we walk in ancestral land here in Graff-Reinet. In a local museum I saw my groot-oupa (great grandfather’s) photo. He shone off the walls. He was deeply loved by the people here and some still remember him for his kindness. He worked with underpriviledged children here and was a man who exudes light and peace. In remember him well.

I doubt I will get a chance to blog again before I get back to CT but who knows. I hope all of you, my friends and family are keeping well. 

We leave Prince Albert and move towards the Swartberg Pass. It’s gobsmackingly beautiful. My mouth hangs open at the sheer natural beauty of it. At first it reminds me of Petra in Jordan with a narrow cliff flanked entrance of mountain through which one drives. At the base of the mountains a pure river runs in small waterfalls and the rocks are full of yellow linchen, a sign of pure air. The road is steep and winding with precipuces (sp?) at the side. I get height fright but it soon evaporates in the light of the scenery.

Here rock & light and elements have created amazing sculptures. We drive and stop frequently to take it all in. I take a thousand photo’s knowing already that they won’t get close to the whole of it. I shall have fragments of recorded beauty only. But my mind will remember.

The landscape changes from dramatic cliff face to rolling farmland valleys as we leave the pass. Green and verdant pastures.  Farms nestled in crooks of the mountain base. It is wonderful how humanity survives out here away from the mainstream.

We visit the amazing Cango caves. We are taking into the literal bowels of the earth and for a moment I feel like I am standing in a huge colon!  Perhaps if I could climb into my body I would see similar if it was put under a microscope!

In the vast echoing cave sound is amplified. There are incredible formations of stalagtites and stalagmites. It’s hot and humid and I am glad I am no longer morbidly obese. There is a sweet lady infront of me and she is drenched in sweat. I feel for her silently.  I know her body is rubbing itself raw.

Not long ago a morbidly obese woman got stuck in the caves as she tried to enter a chamber. Took ten hours to get her out. Some say she deserved it. She’d been strongly warned she should not attempt to do what she did, but I still felt sorry for her. The humiliation must have been ghastly. I remember when a garden chair stuck to my bum once and how embarressed I was. It was small comp0ared with ten hours wedged into a cave wall gap, but it felt like an age to me. Poor woman.

On the way to Oudtshoorn we pass Ostrich farms. I feel bad that I eat Ostrich meat - a sudden sense of living flesh and guilt! They are such magnificent birds. I apologise telepathically, but they go on scratching in the rocky ground with prehistoric feet.

Later we arrive at my uncles and are joined by other family. We have a wonderful get together.  At the table my uncle says grace. I’m not religious but silently I too thank God for the blessings and family I have.

My Aunt cooks us ‘boerekos’. ‘Farmersfood.’  Bobotie,rice,potato’s,stewed dried peaches. Wonderful! I must get my Aunts recipe for Bobotie. It’s protein rich mince & egg in mild Cape curry. We talk and laugh at the table. My uncle Piet is a story teller by nature. He regales us with tales of the past. I’m so happy to be here.

So inordinately happy.

I’m sitting on the verandah of an old Victorian Guest house in Prince Albert in the Western Cape. Mai runs it - she’s a welcoming warm landlady of strong Irish roots with a big smile and a lilt in her voice. She has 12 cats! I love Mai instantly. She’s kind and authentically caring. She goes the extra mile to make one feel at home and has a bubbling sense of humour. Her home is an act of love and it shines with her joy in it. My room is big and spacious with crisp white linen and space. I’m in my element. Only wish we could stay longer.

We drove up from Cape Town. Through the Du Toitskloof Mountains, oh my heart!  As a child I used to drive through those mountains to visit my nana, my lovely nana. I was always filled with anticipation of seeing her again.  These are soul mountains and memories of my childhood came to me thick & fast.

We stopped in the little Victorian village of Maatjiesfontein and had lunch and tea there.  It’s a wonderful history preserved. Old Victorian houses flank the only road there is! We drove from there to where I am now - a stunning small Town called Prince Albert.  It is located in a ‘bowl’ of mountains, a wonderful place to be.

The Karoo is as it always is. Everything changes but nothing does. The shrub bushes in soft grey and green shades still die and grow. The mountains accompany the car for miles on end. It’s beautiful and mysterious.

It’s known as ‘the cradle of civilization.’  Not that you’d think it! One can drive miles and see only a few scattered settlements here and there. The sky is endless and blue. I’m filled with inner space too. A strange effect when somehow the inner and outer merge in a human being. My troubles are gone - evaporated into the splendour of everything. In cities I feel always a background hum of collective consciousness but here the stillness is striking.

In Prince Albert people just look so healthy. It must be the pure air and mountain water. People come to visit and end up staying. I can see why. The people are warm and helpful. Many would have fabulous sories to tell. Outside stories of life in other times and how they came to peace here. The food is simple but wholesome.  We ate out at a little restaurant for dinner.  I had feta ,spinach and lamb pie (left the pastry) and spiced pumpkin.

Before we left the village we stopped at Gays Dairy Farm. DSers paradise. They make wonderful cheeses and yogurts to die for. Reckon my gut will be very happy with an infusion of good bacteria. So far it has held up well.  Mind you I am bathroom conscious. If I see a window in a bathroom I feel happy - very pathetic I know!

In a bid to reduce the pong I’m taking mega strong acidophilus - double the dose. Only just started but interested to see if it helps nip the poopie pong in the bud.  Will probably take a few days.

I’ll clock in here when I can to update my journey. Internet connection is an on off state of affairs but so far so good! It could yet dry up on me, but with any luck I’ll be able to put down my thoughts here on and off.  

I have had a fabulous weekend and was very spoilt on my birthday by my family.  Time is flying all round - on friday I will return to South Africa. I always feel like a tourist at first - somewhat misplaced from my motherland until I walk into my mums home. Then under the mountain I am at home and something in my gut unwinds into peace and restfulness.

I am longing for my family. My brother, my aunt and uncle, all my cousins, Pete’s mom & family…it will be so good to be with them all.  Missing them always accelerates just before I see them again.  I know there will be good days full of laughter and conversation,  hearty meals together outside in the sunshine. We celebrate our togetherness through food at home and I am glad my DS allows me to partake without guilt or regret.  I used to avoid these celebrations when I was larger. I had terrible fears of eating with others. I felt that perhaps they would judge me. My family never did - but even so I preferred to eat alone.  These thoughts still come to me unexpectedly.  I am glad that I have normality in my life nowadays about food related issues. It is wonderful to eat & enjoy and not feel stressed out about it.

I will be staying a little longer than I anticipated as my mum wants to take me to see her birthplace. This is in a place called the Karoo.  She was born in a town called Graff Reinet and spent her early childhood there.  She has always said that her soul remains tied to that place but we have never been there together. I have driven through parts of the Karoo before but not as far as Graff Reinet.

It’s quite an amazing place. The landscape is semi-desert, small round scrub bushes surrounded by mountains and hills. Hot and dusty sometimes but the night sky is astonishing.  The entire milky way can be seen and one can lose oneself in the beauty and enormity of our galaxy there.

I will take a photo journal of this journey as I go back to ancestral roots and post it up on my return.

No doubt my protein intake will consist of lots of Karoo lamb (the best lamb in the whole world!) and Ostrich meat. I do worry a little about having a DS related emergency so far from any help. There won’t be any WLS experts on hand out there in the bush. Cape Town has WLS surgeons now so over there I feel safe, but I will be many hours away from them!  I always worry about this anytime I am about to depart off the beaten track.  However, I also know I cannot let my anxiety confine me. I have to remind myself I had my DS for this - to be able to travel & explore many things and it will just have to behave! I feel good at the moment so fingers crossed things remain stable. There is no reason they should not.

I’ll be gone for a month.  Already I am writing long to do lists for my family!  My contact with this blog and the UK will be sparse.  The internet in SA is slow and tiring when one is used to fast technology.  Quite a good thing as it forces me into getting on with the day instead of being near a screen!

The next few days will be a busy rush for me as I must pack. I have to get my zinc on prescription which I have left till the last minute, so just hoping it’s not too late! 

Zenni & Ruby need to have their meals cooked & frozen before I go. Major mission - but so worth it as they both thrive on homecooked meals. There are some small gifts to be bought for family & friends. My suitcase boasts strange things in it - cow shaped egg cups for a mate who collects porcelain cows - arthritis gloves for an artist friend who struggles to paint (I hope they are not just hype! and that they really help.) Goats milk cheddar cheese!  Toys for my little nieces - I now wonder if a rinky dinky CD player is such a wise move - lol! We will be listening to Twinkle little star on an hourly basis no doubt!   Not to mention my stock of vitamin supplements.   Pete is off on a trip to Croatia tomorrow, just a night away…but one more thing to deal with.  My suitcase remains unpacked still! I wish I was more organised but am not - so just going to focus on everything and I’ll get there!

Well the time is flying and the trip to Cape Town is just around the corner.  I am really excited to go now as I feel like forgetting about WLS world and playing with the kids.  Just the thought of being able to actually romp about with them is bouying up my spirits.  I’m afraid I missed the boat with my own children. I could never run around with them - I still feel sad thinking about those aspects of mothering that I failed at so abysmally.

But with my brothers little ones I can at last fully involve myself physically - even if it is a rare thing to see them.

My birthday is coming up on Easter Sunday.  I had a lovely birthday meal out with a friend today - bit early but really nice. She took me to Loch Fyne Restaurant.  I ate crevette salad for starters - lovely fresh little things.  Although it is a fish restuarant I plumped for duck breast which was delicious.

She asked me how I felt about adding another year to the many *gulp*.  I don’t like it but on the plus side while I look my age , I don’t feel like I am in my mid forties. It’s a bit problematic sometimes. I am quite miffed that no one informed of this side effect of WLS.  My surgeon should have been more responsible - I blame it entirely on him!

This lack of info is born out by a present I bought myself on e-bay - a pair of ‘anti gravity’ boots with springs in them. I know it is totally crazy & lawd knows having bought them I am having anxiety attacks about leaping about in the local park with them!  

It’s all a bit embarressing - especially since they arrived in a box that states they are for teens!  Part of me wants to rise to that and say: ‘Really??? - well we shall see about that then!’   The other part of me is the fear of looking like a half cocked madwoman.  They are not subtle - they are very in one’s face.

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/airkicks/index.html

I put them on and gained a 6ft stance. Quite darned scary being so suddenly tall. I was surprised I never toppled over. I don’t know about anti-gravity tbh…more like ‘tempting gravity’.

I could not stop laughing.  I sprung about the house, a bit wobbly, - (that’s the age showing) - giggling loudly ( that’s the child in me)…then noticed the dogs had hidden under a table!  Two pairs of brown anxious eyes peered out at the insane spectacle going on…

T’was only then that it dawned on me that if even my poor dogs were hiding - what effect would it have on people exposed to this wild spronging woman!  Also - what if I toppled over and looked like a complete fool. What if I oversprung and knocked someone over in my spring zest for life! Or if I managed to break my ankle before flying off to South Africa?

I suitably subdued my excitement at the idea of being perhaps graceful, like a leaping gazelle.  Much like I had to accept the ruinous tatters of my own deflated skin post WLS - I am probably going to have to accept that a gazelle I will never be - and if I land arse end up in a ditch I will have invited this on myself.

Ooooo - but I tell you it is wicked fun!  A bit like bouncing on the bed.  Mind you I could have saved myself a lot of money if I’d just confined my bouncing habit to the bed…

They are not quite as ‘flighty’ as I had hoped…I would have liked more lift - but perhaps they need to be broken in more.

My kids (grown ups) all expressed great delight at the new toy.  There was much laughing going on while they tried them out. Part of it was directed at me I’m afraid.   My daughter asked if I was really going to try them out in a public space and suggested I find a field somewhere off the beaten track.  Subtle huh!

I have decided that I will have to become a midnite practiser.  So if you see a  leaping woman  with strange boots on, laughing hysterically, bounding on through the wee hours of the dark night just ignore her.

She is taking literal leaps and bounds into the world of having some fun again…

AGE BE DAMNED!!!!

I spent the day in my garden today. I had a need for the sunshine so I decided to plant up a small area with some fresh organic salad leaves, and herbs.  Got some nice oriental seedlings, bok choy and mizuma, to make summer salads more interesting. Planted chard with bright red and yellow stems, broadbeans and peas, oreganum, thyme, garlic chives, chervil, a super Italian parsely and rosemary.  I can’t live without my herbs, not happily anyway. There is rollo rossa(sp?)  lettuce - a cheery lettuce with bronzey red leaves and the soft green of butter lettuce. There are baby toms and red and green peppers. I put some beetroot seeds and American cress seeds into the ground. Not sure if it’s okay to plant them at the moment, but we’ll see if they come up! I packed the seeds into a tight space - this way as I thin them out there will be leaves for the picking!  I fancy baby beetroot right now - just thinking about it. The leaves van be cooked like spinach too, or when young eaten as salad and they make a dish look special.

After I had planted all the salads, I made a bamboo fence all the way around my little raised veggie bed - to keep Ruby the bull-terror out. She is a terrible plant monster right now. I dig - she digs out everything I put in! Each little plant was sniffed in turn.  I raked and tilled and  planted all afternoon long and I currently smell like horse manure!  Probably look like it too.  

I had the gratitude for energy and health as I so often do when I am being physical. I am pleased for my DS everyday in one way or another.

I saw Mr Patel last week. I have lost a little more weight.  Thought I had gained some a few weeks ago so I feel it might have been brought on by the protein experiments. (Or maybe my head is just playing up again!). It’s been quite a learning curve and I’m probably proof that Protein supplements can be an aid to weightloss.   I have never waded through so many drinks in my life before!  So this week I am back on real food and enjoying every meal. Today for lunch I bought a punnet of Tescos creamed spinach. I made 2 ‘wells’ in it and cracked an egg in each. I grated fresh mozzerella cheese  over the top, baked it and it was soooo yummy. I think there is a name for this dish, but I forget what it is?? It’s one I will repeat soon again as it takes seconds to prepare.

Aside from that I am going to Cape Town on the 17th April. I am going to see my little nieces whom I seldom see as they live in Australia.  We are a very scattered family and it’s not right.  But what can one do. I have to snatch these times and hold them close because I know I will look again and Alexis (4yo) and Sara-Jane(1yo) will be all grown up. And how I long for my blue Cape mountains again.  It’s magic living beneath mountains. I will look at them everyday while I am there and enjoy their beauty.

Ruby turns one this week. Pete has instructed me to bake her a cake! I bought her a disgusting big tongue shaped rubber toy and a fancy diamante bandana.  We will celebrate because it’s extra special for us.  Our Petal never made it to one year old and so these are bittersweet days in some ways. We think on our Petal.   I lived in fear of losing Ruby and still do, to this terrible worm that A Vasorum is. She is as much frog hunter as Petal was - despite all my efforts to get rid of the garden frogs she caught one.    Some days later she started the same dry weird little cough just like Petal had. We dewormed her with panacur even though she is on Advocate de-wormer too. We just can’t risk it.

We are over the moon that we have this girlie and we have made it to her first year. She’s as much a love in our lives as our Petal was.  She’s a funny dog - makes us laugh every day.  I said to Pete the other day that the gods gave us a shining jewel after our horrendous loss of Petal.  Although I still miss Petal so much & wish I could have both dogs - Ruby has negated the empty space Petal left behind. She fills our days with mad bed jumping 8-O, she is always near us, my house is strewn with dog toys.

Our house is a crazy bully world again just how we like it. 

Ruwbs soon worked out that if she said ‘mama’ her mama would spoil her with tasty little treats. How could I not?! So now she frequently says mama to me, particularly if she wants something.  She went through quite a destructive phase of chewing things up - partly it was teething puppy, but also she was bored. So we started to play little games with her to stimulate her mentally and she loves to learn new tricks.  Here is my girl learning foot tricks with Matt my son taking her through her paces. And the ‘mama’ is not a voiceover - it’s the real thing!  She also says ‘yum yum’ but we have not caught it on camera yet.

Here’s my miniature bullterrier Ruwbs,  doing her stuff :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXrA-usZFzw

Note:  I have posted two blogs today!  Made a bit of a hash here as this one is a follow on from blog (8)!  So if you want a more logical read it’ll be best to scroll down to get to blog 8 - then read this one.

Sorry bout this hassle factor!

WLS PRODUCTS:

Supplier: http://www.wlsproducts.nl/site/eng/index.php?id=homepage

Except for the bars,  these products are not listed on the above site but the supplier can be contacted through the site for info and prices on any of the products. The Soups, bars and puddings are avail in different flavours.

These protein products come from Holland.  The supplements are based mostly on egg white with some soy in them.  Egg white means that they taste much better than whey or  all-soy products.

As I decided what I was going to test taste first I suddenly thought maybe I had nothing to get all green eyed about after all!  I mean - a cinnamon bar…a hot choc drink with 19gms protein  (not an expresso perhaps but a hot choc is even better!), even a butterscotch caramel pudding…not bad eh!   And Holland is not so far away either!  After some deliberation I settled on the choco -peanut protein bar, the cinnamon bar, broccolli soup & butterscotch pud to start with.
Cinnamon Protein Bar:

15gms protein

This bar resembles a  real piece of confectionery which I much prefer to some of those stodgy bars out there that look horrid. First bite tells me that I really like this bar. It’s very crispy - not unlike eating a rice crispy bar. I don’t feel a desperate urge to spit it out not at all - infact I find myself reaching for the next bite rather eagerly.  I do get slight taste on the back of my tongue which I can’t define - slightly soy I think,  but it’s really unobstrusive, fleeting and quickly taken care of by the gorgeous cinnamon flavour and texture of the bar. The top is slightly chewy - like a nougat layer and it has brazil nuts pressed into it. What I like is the ‘lightness’ of this. It’s soooo much better than other bars I have tried in the past which seemed to taste like whey powder suspended in gooey oversweet toffee that could not mask the awful taste.  The cinnamon is not too strong - just right imo. The sweetness is really good - it’s so not sickly sweet…and I don’t get any underlying aftertaste at all. After eating it I had a sense of ‘creaminess’ in my mouth.   I think this is a very more-ish bar. I had the idea to eat half of each of the bars I have, but I ended up eating this entire bar in one sitting!   I am now deeply regretful that I don’t have more of these in my store cupboard.

Rating: Very good.

Choco peanut Protein bar:

15gms protein

This bar has a chocolate nougat layer on top. Just as the above bar the overall texture is the same - very crispy and crunchy. There is a definite flavour of peanuts and for me this flavour is more prominent than the chocolate taste. I think I would like slightly more chocolate taste…but then again the peanut taste is REAL and soooo good!   I found the little aftertaste on my tongue a teeny bit stronger than with the cinnamon, but again it did not stop me reaching for another bite!

Rating:  Fair -Good.

I agonised on this one dithering between upper end fair and good. I  wanted more chocolate taste…and I found the aftertaste just a smidgen more prevalent with this bar. However, I am comparing it with the yummilicious cinnamon bar above which is not reallly fair.

Both bars are light and easy to eat.  My daughter happened to be around as I was testing these and she said: ‘Oooo those look really good!’  This is a first in my household as usually if I offer my protein supps around, everyone suddenly finds excuses not to be in the room!

So I asked her to test try them.  She liked the choco peanut one and commented on the lovely light crunchy crispy texture. But I wish I had a pic of her face when she tried the cinnamon…she said that it was ‘really really good!’.

In fact she said it was the best protein bar she had ever eaten, which made me laugh as she’s a ‘normie-gut’.  So that’s two of us lovin’ this bar.

Veloute Broccolli Soup:

19grams protein

The WLS products soups are powders.  I mixed mine up according to instructions and added salt as recommended. I whisked it well as advised. I found the smell while it was heating up vegetable like and pleasant. The colour looks natural.  I think the consistency of the soup is good - not too thick and not starchy. I like the flavour - I can taste broccolli for sure. I can’t taste whey in this nor anything too chemical which I think is a big plus.   I did find it grainy despite my whisking.  It has a different texture to the mushroom soup.  The granular quality is quite soft, not gritty and once I got used to it it did not bother me greatly.    However if I could get this perfectly smooth it would be perfect allround.   I found it easy to eat.  Halfway through eating it I decided to add some grated cheddar, as is my usual soup habit, and it was very good with this soup. I polished off the lot and felt satisfied.  I did not get any lingering aftertaste.

Rating:  Fair. A difficult one  because it tastes very nice, but on balance I think it would have been better smooth.

Caramel Butterscotch pudding:

19gms protein

As you all know I have been searching for a great ‘no fuss’ protein pudding. Puddings kind of take a back seat in my life for several reasons. Firstly they are mostly carby or sugary. Secondly after I have cooked up a regular DS meal of meat and veg, I have had enough of the cooking!  To make a high protein pud from scratch is often a palava and an added mess in the kitchen.  Hence my quest!

The first thing I noticed about this pud was the lovely butterscotch aroma it had. It wafted out the packet and I just wanted to eat it on that alone!  It mixes up easily to a smooth velvety texture.  I made this with water as advised.  I do taste sweetener in it - but obviously any low carb ’sweet’ has sweetener.  It’s on par with sugar free angels delight with one big difference - this has 19grams of protein!!!   19 gms is pretty amazing considering that I don’t taste whey or soy bean at all.

Wish I had this when I was a newbie post op as I think it might a fantastic addition to a diet that is sometimes boringly bland in the first post op weeks. I’d have killed for this!  If it tastes too sweet for newbie ( everything used to taste very sweet to me - but that soon went unfortunately) - it could be added to some homemade custard to knock the sweetness back.   At last a pudding I personally LOVE!

This is one I intend to order shortly as I know I will be tucking into it often. It’s really fast and easy to mix. I could even drink this if I diluted it with milk…yea that’s an idea… off to try that right now!

Back with a little of the made pudding diluted with milk. I made a thick milkshake consistency and by gawd it is just the best.  The sweetener taste is also considerably knocked back by doing this.  I think for the purposes of losing weight or tackling a regain though, this really must be made with water. And imo it stands as very good just with water.

To keep it  low carb the DS clan could use half cream half water instead of milk. This is a very nifty way to cut the carbs from milk out, and still get that good mouth feel of ‘creaminess.’   Of course it won’t be as nutrient rich as it would be with milk, but who cares just for once!   For those who are not concerned about some additional carbs such as me (currently) - I’m going to use milk to make this up in future. Then I am going to top it with whipped cream and my own homemade low sugar caramel sauce. I think I might slice half a banana into it and while I am at it add chopped walnuts, macadamia nuts or brazil nuts to it.  Yup this one is for me! My imagination is already finding lot’s of ways to eat this.

I rather fancy it with a spoon of peanut butter in it as well…mmm…let me try that with the last two spoonfuls.  Okay - just tasting it now.  I don’t want to tell you this because now I am waxing very embarresingly lyrical …but I am in lurve. I just added the tip of a teaspoon of peanut butter to this and it tastes amazing…so good that I caught myself poking around the glass container with my finger to get at the last remains of it!  I have not done that in a very long time!

By using this powder with vanilla, half ricotta cheese and half milk or sour cream,  I think I could muster up a very nice mini fridge tart.

This is the sort of pudding one should get one’s hands on to substitute damaging sweet stuff. It’s a very good replacement indeed. Fast to whip up, lovely to eat and extremely versatile when the sugar devil strikes!

My advice is that you please don’t order this just yet - at least not untiI I have stocked up on it!

Rating: Very very  good … I love it.

Note: I had the broccolli veloute (with added cheese) and the Butterscotch caramel pud for a replacement lunch.  I feel if one really needed to go on meal replacement therapy due to regains…these products would do the job really well. It’s early evening as I write, I have not felt like having a snack and I am not hungry. Between these two I have ingested 38gms of easy to make protein. My cheese addition would add another 5 gms or so - totalling 43gms.

Added a few days after trying the above:

After the butterscotch pud I continued to crave it!  But it was all gone!  So I bought some Angels Delight SF instead thinking I’d compare the two. Did I say the butterscotch above was on par with Angels delight?  I have to retract that  - it is nowhere close!  WLS products butterscotch pud is streaks ahead. The SF tasted starchy, the butterscotch taste was minimal and the protein is minimal. A sad experience…not to be repeated. In my opinion it’s about time Tesco stocked this product!

At the moment WLS products is waiting for stock of the butterscotch pud to arrive ( I did contact WLS Products to place an order - yes I really do like it that much!). If you want to order give Mel a shout and ask her to notify you when her stock arrives.  It comes in satchets or in a big container. Please check with her for alternative flavours and prices.

Mel also stocks some really great vitamins and a calcium citrate powder (that I use) - I credit it with giving my bones a pretty good dexa last time because my bone loss had not increased since using it!   I always get my Virgin coconut oil from her as well - it’s great quality!  I use it daily in many ways. So if you are thinking of ordering anything maybe take a few minutes to browse her other products while you are at it.