Dances with DS

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7379094/Vitamin-D-triggers-and-arms-the-immune-system.html

Thought I’d pop the above in here. (It will open in another window btw).  It kind of relates to the story I posted in this blog some time ago about the man who noticed his patients did not develop severe flu viruses when on high dose Vit D. Seems his observations were correct.

I give it to my family members at the first sign of flu. Might be a fluke but recently my uncle began to get flu.  Each year he gets it plus a dollop of severe bronchitis into the miserable deal. It leaves him in a bad way everytime.  I suggested he give temporary high dose Vit D a try - mind you not as high as we wlsers take - but high for a ‘normie-gut!’  Three days after the virus started he called me to say he was impressed as his flu had resolved and he could’nt believe it never went the bronchitis route.  Soooo…as I said could be fluke - but there seems to be growing evidence that it wasn’t.

I take high doses of the Vit - 6000iu per day plus 50 000iu once a week in winter (less in summer - no extra if I’m getting many days in a month of sunshine - rare but has happened!). I’m fine on such high doses - my D has always been in a good range but not over the top in my labs.  I am alive & kickin’!  My feeling is 5000iu’s will probably suit most WLS patients needs…but see how your bone health is and adjust to a higher level if required.  Don’t forget to take enough calcium as well. High levels of Vit D and lack of calcium are not smart!

If bone health is an issue look into Vit K2 - this supposedly helps to ensure that the calcium is deposited in the bone - where it should be. While you are at it research magnesium in relation to bone health.

Vit D like all our supps needs to be researched for drug interactions as there may be certain medications that increase or decrease the need for it.

It’s been a shite week. I took Zenni to the vet for his checkup and was told he has irreversable lung damage. It’s not instant death thank the gods, but our vet thinks it might explain the constant coughing.  We have not ruled out tracheal possibilities yet either, but this looks like it could be the problem.

It ties in with his coughing which became severe at the time our Petal died from lungworm. It has brought back my sadness & devastation at losing Petal to the ghastly hemorraging death she endured and anger too. Like a runaway video I still see us driving her to the vet in those last hours. The snow was deep on the road and my girl was in my arms convulsing with her eyes becoming congealed pools of blood. It was horrific & traumatic. I was not crying then because I was in shock - I remember I just kept telling her we loved her and to hang on because we would get through the deep snow to the vet. It felt such an age to get her there.  Anger because I was so flippantly treated by Zenni’s vet at the time when I was concerned he had the dreaded worm - after going through what we did with Petal did I not have the right to be concerned about Zen?   We are just lucky to have him still, but no thanks to her.

I can’t believe several years later I still hold such strong feelings about this. I have been tearful & angry & gone through the whole gamut again. Then I get frustrated with myself because I have this habit of thinking I have cleared out all my old emotional muck & moved on.  And then it resurfaces and I wonder if one ever really can get rid of ones old muck of emotions or if they hover deep in one’s heart just waiting for a trigger.  I miss Petal like crazy still. Even though I have my Zenni & my darling little Ruwbs, I still feel so cheated of my life with Petal…and that she never even made it to 1 years old.

He is on meds now for it that dilate his lungs.  I asked about side effects - his vet said they are not common but that he might become overactive. No kidding!  He is like a young frisky pup and we have had some pretty sleepless nights because Zenni just wants to play in the early hours.  lol.

I do laugh but at the same time I am watching this because should this flip into too much maniac activity that might not be a good thing. For now though I am suprised at him. He no longer growls at Ruwbs irritably. Instead he has even played with her a little.  Poor old boysie feeling so poorly must have made him feel ratty - unsuprisingly.  So far the coughing is better - but it’s early days.

I don’t know where my daughter is right now. She’s not been in contact and my mind starts to go into overdrive. There were aftershocks in Chile & suddenly I just wanted her back home. Booger everything else.  Most selfishly. But it scares me knowing my child is out there on a piece of unpredictable heaving earth.  No doubt she is fine but my anxiety gets out of hand.

Then I start to feel seriously bad because others are realling dealing with such big things in their lives and by comparison my lot is piddly squat. I do that ‘I should be grateful’ number…it never helps does it?!

Dad has not been well either…I think. I think, because he doesn’t tell me what’s up. I just get lot’s of e-mails from him which usually indicates things might not be good even if he says he is okay.  Maybe he is okay - maybe not.  I ever fear his cancer will revive itself.  I feel truly bad too because I have not visited him since we got back from SA  and tbh this is the only way I will truly know how he is.  So I am beating myself up with guilt about this too.

Pete had to go to Croatia for this week  & I realised I had no clean gear for him -  much washing & ironing later I got my act together. I am just the worst domestic goddess ever. I don’t even make goddess status. I need to improve.

I’ve been told we might travel in April - usually I would be excited but I am just miffed that clear dates are not being set. I get like this sometimes - I don’t want to just flow with the tide!  I want routine and DATES and not such vague maybe’s. I’m difficult to live with - and I am having the difficulty!  Frankly I would divorce myself right now if I could!  It’s so bizarre really -  I mean what choice do I have - c’mon. I have to live with me. lol

In a bid to placate myself and get my mind off me troubles,  I made a huge batch of body lotion with some really nice (and expensive oils!) and  the entire lot seperated into a strange gloppy curdled mess.  I had an over the top reaction to it and threw a nasty tantrum which even shocked me. Usually I would just chalk it up to a learning curve, but the way I performed over such trivia, was a bit shocking - even to me.

It made me realise though that I am oozing stress like a leaking kettle that can’t keep it’s own lid on.

Meantime fitday has died a limpid death on me.   I feel like I am doing everything so badly at the moment. I’m having a real confidence wobbly about everything and it’s mother right now.

Next week will be better right?  Please, please tell me it will be!

I’m rolling about in the land of deep relief and thankfulness right now.

I don’t write often about my children on this blog because I like to keep things a bit private but my daughter, my child who makes me laugh so much, who is my piece of sassiness when the world looks grey and who has been so often a light in my life - is okay.

She and her partner are travelling right now and they were on route to Santiago for her partners family reunion and a family wedding.  Mercifully they just missed the earthquake by a couple of days. But her partners parents and family were in Santiago and went through it all. Everyone is okay. We are just so grateful.

I got a late night call from her just to say they were okay on the weekend - I have never felt such relief. I was not sure of their exact whereabouts and I was worried.  Particularly as a few days before she called us and said they had just felt a tremor.

They are still planning to go to Santiago. Today.  It does make me anxious but I can understand that right now nothing in the world matters more than family. In her partners shoes I would do the same. I hope for the family that they will still go ahead with the wedding & that it will be a joyous celebration of togetherness.

Not sure how they are going to get into the city - the airport was only partly opened last I looked but they were looking at bussing people in from area’s outside Santiago.

I’m reminded how much we forget that actually we are not in control. In the blink of an earthquake or a storm (as in France at the moment) everything can change forever.

My thoughts are with everyone today who has had to live through  a natural disaster.

The link below is a bill being passed in Colorado.

But never ye think the good ole  UK is off the hook. No. We too are being bombarded by the ‘world-gone-crazy’ health & safety organisations.  IFRA for one.   I’m not against health and safety properly instigated and with common sense but what is happening really does boggle the mind.

The totalitarian big brotherhood government attitude turns me cold - but what can be done. Bills and regs are passed willy nilly right beneath our noses & we do nothing. Half the time we don’t even know. Anyway, better I don’t spit my bile too much.

I went to a Boots pharmacy a few months back. I was looking for citric acid.  I was looked at by the pharmicist as if I was a drug user. I explained it was just for a few homemade cosmetics. She softened a little and suggested some places I might try as they could not sell it due to drug users and people who make bombs.

WTF!!!!!  If a drug user or bombmaker wants the stuff they’ll find it somewhere (and pretty easily too)  for heavens sakes!!!!

Arrghhh!

So far it’s potentially bye bye rose, basil, oakmoss, jasmine, citrus oils ..& omg I peeled a bag of oranges yesterday I might get a rash!!!

So where & when will it stop?

http://roberttisserand.com/2010/02/tunnel-vision/

I have finally found the REAL reason that I consistently find myself dabbling in  making perfume attempts!

Well, not reallly -  I just like doing this as an idle past time.

Still, I found the link below an interesting snippet:

http://www.smellandtaste.org/index.cfm?action=research.perceived

Right girls -  I’m off to blend up a Neroli, Morrocan Rose, Jasmin Sambac, Carnation,  Coriander & ginger mix plus some woody smells I have been longing to try,  now!

Oooo, that reminds me. I was thinking about how I can go on about using herbs & oils like a jabberwocky sometimes.  I forget sometimes to flag some gentle warnings - thinking now about the licorice I used not long ago in my homemade cough brew.  I will go and stick it into that post later,  but don’t use licorice root if you are aneamic. Many of us WLSers are.

I always struggle with the having to tell perfectly sensible people about any drawbacks to anything because I believe people are smart enough in general to look into anything they read and to weigh it up rationally unlike our Health & Safety obsessed Government.   But in the sad interests of covering my bum    - here is my little disclaimer!

Please please if you are looking at working with essential oils, or taking herbs internally or using them externally - RESEARCH using multiple sources.  Natural ingredients are beautiful & often beneficial. I hate to even think I can say anything not positive about them, but there we go,  they are not always perfect. When I read some of those ‘cure all’ miracle websites out there I could sometimes weep at the amount of sheer BS being spouted.

Sometimes they are the stuff we turn to when medical solutions have failed us, but bear in mind like everything in life, they have benefits and RISKS. Weigh these up before using.  Check the correct amounts to use. Know that  jasmine eo is used in some countries to stop nursing mum’s milk flows, that comfrey put on deep cuts or taken too frequently is not smart, that coconut oil on the face too often can trigger acne.  That tea tree has caused damage to some dogs ( yup, and every other doggie shampoo has tea tree in it, although probably in small quantities) etc etc.  Then research the benefits and correct amounts to use & if it feels right give it a try in a small doseage or quantity first.

Bear in mind too - that quantity matters. Using too much of anything can cause probs. Be conservative at first.  Bear in mind health & safety nuts also abound & they too can amplify slight risks into huge dangers. Almost everything on this planet can cause side effects.  It can be a nightmare trying to work out if something is safe or not but happily between the ‘ it will kill you’s’ and the ‘it’s going to sort out every problem you have and even your mother in law will love and adore you’ camps - it is possible to reach a some good sense.

That said -  I can’t tell you all the virtues of using natural home made products - they are many.  I believe in mother natures way because it has worked so well for me (and my family) where mainstream products have cost me plench & not helped me in anyway (infact worsened my health at times). Just know what’s good in what quantity  & what’s not…and remember just because It has worked for someone doesn’t mean it’s going to be good for you too. But then again it might be the best thing you ever did!

Zenni came out of surgery on Friday & he has survived!

If you have not seen him before to the right of this blog in the bar are some pictures of him and Petal.  I feel quite bad because I suddenly realised we need some pic’s of my Ruby too!  After Petal died so young, I just could not post pics of Ruwbs. I don’t know why - I think I wanted her to get past that milestone first year!

Zenni does look like he was caught in a train smash  though, poor little fig!  His eye is very swollen & protrudes worryingly which reminds me of a goggle eyed goldfish. His head is shorn to the skin.  The swelling is probably to be expected but I’m not sure it’s better today than yesterday. I’ll get him checked out again tomorrow just to be on the safe side. He had his lower canines removed and his breath certainly smells a LOT better!

The vet was amazed at how well he did and even more amazed at the x-ray of his heart.  It’s in very good nick!  After all that!  We both thought his situation was dire & there it is - a nice little ticker in all. He does have a very strong heart murmur but this has not caused his heart to swell or malform in any way and that is excellent news!

I’m saying nuffink, but I do think the fact that he is on homecooked food and mother natures supplements has helped him hugely.  Before surgery I fed him up a bit & was pleased that he had gained a little weight.  I also exercised him more than usual.

Right now he is on a course of antibiotics. I bathe his eye several times a day & apply ointment.  I take him outside to widdle hourly because I’m scared he’ll knock his face. (He usually uses a cat flap to go outside). I feed him lot’s of high protein tidbit’s and basically spoil him rotten.  I have turned into a full time doggie nurse!  But I  am happy and nothing gives me greater pleasure right now than to care for him.

It sounds strange - but I will never forget how Zenni  was,  for many lonely years when I was severely obese, really, he was my dearest little animal friend.  I always felt he was watching out for me.  My weight meant nothing to him - he loved me full heartedly regardless. And in those troubled depressed years when very little made me laugh, Zenni was one of the few things in my life that made me laugh & lifted my spirits.

Sooo, it seems  I might have several more years with him yet, godswilling.

Why he coughs is another matter - we will have to look into it. The vet did look at me like I was a bit bonkers when I suggested before his surgery that if he could he look at the windpipe. I tried to explain badly that just because his ticker was dodgy ( we both thought it was) - we should still  look outside the box, just incase!  Me and my ‘outside the box thing’! So we might explore this further sometime.

What was quite touching was that once we had settled him into his homecoming crate Ruby sat next to him and howled and whimpered for 15 minutes solid. Quite strange. Was she feeling his pain?  I don’t know.  She’s a very special dog this one, I’d not be surprised if she was sensing his trauma.

With all of this my fitday has gone walkies.    I thought it might. I knew I would be busy but did not expect it to be on the hour stuff!   I had plans to make some scrubby shower bars and fiddle about with a spray in hair conditioner - but that too has not been able to happen.  I’ll catch up with it all sometime next week provided he starts to get considerably better.

I hope you had a lovely weekend!

I discovered a mistake on the previous food entry - I meant 50gms each of the veggies not 150 gms!  I had however keyed that amount into fitday so luckily the overall analysis is correct.

I’m in a mild faff today as my Zenni has gone in for surgery to remove a nasty growth on his eye. At the same time his teeth will be cleaned. It’s not ideal as we increase the risk of an eye infection by doing this as thr mouth harbours lot’s of bacteria. However, it’s just too risky having him under aneasthetic to have him undergo another one at a later stage just for his teeth.

He was so dear this morning on the way to the vets. I always think he must sense when I am worried even though I tried so hard not to show it. He was extra adorable and good in the car.   I’m probably being melodramatic & emotional, but I have had him by my side for 13 years now & to be frank I am really scared he won’t pull pull through.  It’s not helped by the fact that last night his heart was playing up worse than usual and he was coughing a lot. My children say I must stay positive & by heck I am trying - but badly! 

Charlie the vet seems to feel we should just hold firm & go ahead with surgery today despite the coughing in the night. He reasons that it might be Zenni will get worse on this score (which we expect) merely increasing surgery risks with each week we delay. He has a point. At the end of the day really Zenni & me are between a rock & a very hard place.

But now my boy is in surgery & I must just wait things out. It’s going to be a loooong day.

Meantime I need to try to focus - on my food journal and also on sorting out the house before Pete & I leave again. Looks more and more like we will be going to Brazil and then Virginia in the US sometime in April.  After that Australia - though I am not sure if we will come home first. I hope so because as much as I love travelling, I have my children & dogs here. Around this time my daughter is moving out to an apartment in London & I really want to help her settle into her new life there!

Anyhoo - for those interested here is yesterdays fitday:

Breakfast:

Slice of Soya bread with butter, cheese & honey

Yogurt Bio with brazil nut ‘butter’ and a small banana

Latte

3 Vita4Life, 1 Iron & One Vit C

Snack:

3 Aoste Stickado  Mini Salami’s

(Tesco’s sells these & I am addicted to them! there is 29gms of protein in a pack of about 6)

Lunch:

Cheapie chicken fillet (On special at Tescos for £1. 00 a box)

Topped with Boursin Cheese

Flanked with ‘Mean beans - chilli flavour’ 

2 Vita4Life

Snack:

A satsuma & the rest of the mini salami’s

Solvazinc x 2

Dinner:

2 medium size Meat Balls in Tomato, Red pepper & Onion sauce

A fair whack of cheddar cheese on top of them

Broccolli x 3 florets

Baby carrots x 5

1 Vita4Life

Just before bed:

CalmagD, 2 x Vit K 2
Other:

Countless cups of tea with little improvement in sugar intake - 12 teaspoons

Milk in tea - 250ml

1.5 liter sugarfree juice, water & herb tea

Fitday Analysis:

Calories: 1771

Protein 24% (124.0 gms)

Fat 46%

Carbs 30%
A very high fat day - so far it seems fats are largely responsible for most of my calorie intake, which I knew but somehow in black & white it still punches my ‘lowfat /no fat conditioning - oddly.   Today what with the salami’s the saturated portion is pretty high, but the good fats still outweigh the saturated fats. Still - I can see being addicted to these yummy little salami’s is something I should not do more than once a week or so - unless I don’t eat the lot - which I usually do as they are so easy to eat & more-ish!  And 29gms of easy protein! Ah well…. the thing is as you can see I have no problems getting in my protein at the moment…so really the salami’s could be restricted.

One thing that does not delight me is that so far my fiber intake, despite the veggies,  could be doubled for the better. I think the daily beans  save my gut on this score because before I added them into the log my fiber intake looked pretty abysmal. So the daily bean is a good thing on many levels. I eat them everyday as part of my lunch.

It’s early days yet but if this fiber pattern does not improve I might try to eat some Oats with added fiber more often for brekkie.  I could increase fruit but with my startlingly high sugar intake right now I think I will pass until I have that more under control.  I do eat a fruit a day plus my regular ‘bowel health’ small banana.  Besides, so far it looks like I can easily forgo a protein based breakfast based on my good protein intake with later snacks & meals.
My only reservation is that I found in my first 3-4 years with my DS fiber would have the exact opposite effect on my stools to a biologically normal person  - binding them rather than loosening things up. Fiber also used to cause me the dreaded bloats. I don’t need any binding measures nowadays BUT it might be that things have changed and I still expect the same from fiber.  I might push this intake over the next few days just to see if it makes my constipation worse …or better and to see if it still makes me bloat.

So far I am finding fitday pretty revealing.  It’s certainly making me re examine some of my eating habits.  My dilemma is this:  ‘if it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it!’ - I would like to just go on in my own little eating ways because I’m doing fine so far.

However I do believe in striving ever forwards to a healthy baseline that is carefully considered. Just because I am fine now does not mean I’ll always be…and I like to play the ‘pre-emptive game’.   Sadly for me this might mean - whether I like it or not - - bye-bye to my little salami snacks and that dratted sugar intake!

This is the thing that strikes me even at 8 years into my DS - it seems there is almost always room for improvement.

I have decided that it would be insightful for me to keep a food diary for a few weeks.

It’ll be a bit on & off as I am so busy at the moment. I’m involved in learning the Gimp better and still on my self taught making toiletries course, plus squeezing in a bit of jewellery making inbetween.  There is daily life with appointments & tasks. And Zenni my dog might need surgery in the coming week or two as he has a huge eyelid growth. It is benign, thank god, but an awful thing.  So I don’t know what will happen - he is a boysie with a very dodgy ticker & I might find myself nursing him around the clock after surgery, while everything else including this goes on hold.  But I will try to do it as often as possible, even if it takes a while, is interim, is a bit random and interspersed between other posts.

This would not work if one needed to do it as a very accurate measure to solve a problem.  In such cases it should be done every day preferably for a few months. But for me - it’s just idle interest really.

I’ll ‘fitday’ my intake and include a breakdown of the day at the bottom of the post. I no longer count my protein grams - or carbs.  I’m pretty cogniscent of what I eat - I think. Or am I?  Join me as I find out the truth. *gulp*

Bear in mind I am 8 years out - I have restriction but only past a plate of food. Just as I planned & hoped for 8 years ago when I had my DS.  I’m so happy about this as my DS has not let me down ever. 

I also wear size 8-10 clothing & have maintained a long time now. (Though this could change and I am always aware of this ).

My Common channel is 85 cms (it grew from 75cms!).

Your mileage could well be very different depending on your common channel length, your personal metabolism and what year you are in regarding your DS.

15th February:

Breakfast:

2 scrambled eggs with tomato sauce

Full fat mango & passion fruit yogurt

1 small banana
3 Vita4Life

2hrs later : 1 iron tab

Lunch:

Baked Beans - half tin with loads cheese melted into it.

Piece of leftover salmon

Small mixed salad - 1 teaspoon mayo

Snack: 50gms  of walnuts.

1 latte: 250ml milk & 2 sugars

1 copper, 1 Vit C tablet

Dinner:

3 slices of roast lamb

150gms peas & carrots (1 teaspoon udo’s oils on top)

150gms cauliflour cheese

2 tablespoons gravy

3 Vita4Life & 2 Solvazinc

Late night snack:

50gms walnuts

Before bed: CalmagD - 1 teaspoon, 3 Vit K2 tablets

Milk in tea - around 250ml’s

Water: around a liter - not very good but coupled with tea intake.

The Fitday lowdown:

Palm Sugar in tea through the day: 14 teaspoons  

Holy crrap!  Even for low gi palm this is too much. I am also aware I am very addicted to tea. Not great as it has phytates & isprobably why I get on off mineral deficiencies. I think I can cut down on the sugar if required, but I am going to take the consequences of being a tea-aholic for better or worse at the moment!

Fat 42%

107.9 gms

High - but I expect that.  No hydrogenated fats in this lot. Full fat yogurts - always!  Butter - always!  2% milk as I find whole milk too rich & heavy.  I don’t watch meat fats although tbh, I am not a big eater of it. I usually remove at least half of the fat on my meat, if not more.  Some good one’s such as Udo’s. 15% saturated fats, this could be lowered…but do I want to lower them?  Right now they serve as my laxative & I think I would choose them over a drug based laxative.

The rest are monounsaturated & polyunsaturated which are healthy & as they make up the larger percentage I’m fine with this.

Carbs  36%

214gms

This was a bit of a surprise really…it’s high - but again most of my carbs are complex.  I push my complex carb intake and igore the limits on carbs of generally around 60gms. In my case I would apply that limit on simple carbs only.  I am not in need of an Atkins type diet currently.  When I look at the nutrition breakdown I feel that the nutrient gain way outdoes the carb factor. I’m not as much about weight loss nowadays as I am about sustaining a reasonable state of health. I think I would be happy to gain some pounds if it ever  a toss up between complex carb intake vs weightloss.   I want loads of  micro nutrients, dietary fibre and anti-oxidents.   This is always my focus regarding carbs. 

That said the sugar is not good and it contributes significantly towards this percentage.  I can’t make any excuses about it -  except it might be why I am not craving chocolates or other sweet things…. I might add that even with so much sugar I am not gaining any weight…but healthwise - it’s just pretty much junkola.

This might present me with a challenge as I don’t want to lose weight. I’m comfy where I am right now. I suspect it is these sugars that have me on hold weight wise & that if I lower them I might drop weight fast.  Not too long ago my surgeon gave me the sugar go ahead as he wanted me to ‘hold’ my weight.  I still have difficulty getting my head around it as you can see.  I’m going to have to think on this.  There is some damage limitation going on here with the sugars being mainly palm to protect me from insulin spikes ( with any luck). But still I can’t say I like this on a ‘gutfeel’ level. The big plus is should I start to gain excessively (always the naked underlying fear!)- there is plenty of leeway here to drop the sugars significantly.

Protein 22%

125.7 gms

Doing well on the protein score. Still I would like to see this more balanced and leaning towards the 100gm mark max. Why?

Isn’t protein what the DS is about?   Yes.  But I feel 125gms is not essential & that it’s good practice to eat what is essential as much as possible and avoid excesses unless they are required.  I write this here to remind myself of one of the cornerstones of my own foodie philosophy which I need to look at again. 

The same could apply to both my fats and carbs above. My task will be to address and think on what I require realistically.

And it’s that little ‘realistically’ that can be the headache causing factor!
Total Cals:  2,289

Quite high - but I think this is a day on which I did eat more than usual. Or is it?  

I honestly don’t know.  I have not looked at my food intake in years now - I just eat & get on with it!

I’ll see how all this goes over time.   I won’t address my worse habits until I have completed more of this observation - although ideally it should be longer.  Even it if it is not everyday recording, enough ’snapshots’  over time will reveal general patterns and also the hidden boogeymens.  That’s what I’m interested in.

Fitday is an excellent, if eye opening little tool.  I used it a lot in my first DS years.  I remember it looked very different then - with minimal carbs,  and a strong lean on protein.  My fat percentage has always been quite high though not as high as it is now.

I aim for high ‘good fat’ intake.  Still, it’s not for all and in the first year it can cause the runs, bloating and sometimes not be one’s friend…although I have found saturated fats to be the culprit on this score in many DS cases. Cream and meat fats  in excess are not really a wise plan in the first years.  Although these can be most useful if the bowels need moving and in my case they certainly do. I would just die from constipation without them. ( I know it sounds melodramatic - but believe me constipation is the devil!!!)  Nut fats and fish fats are gentle on the gut usually.

I also feel that fats and complex carbs hang together in a symbiotic balance for good bowel health. Too many saturated fats  without the bowel conditioning properties of complex carbs in terms of enough fibre & valuable inulin, would worry me.

I found it difficult to exactly source the foods I’m eating on Fitday as it is US geared. Trying to access food in oz’s can be a pain. I had to guess a bit sometimes so I might not have been that accurate.

I’m not going to judge my entire eating life on one days worth… a bit more time will tell me where & if I should pull up my socks!

I had to smile as this wee dietary reflection  would probably leave any dietician stone cold.

And yet - my DS thrives on it.  What can I say - the DS is a beautiful thing! 

For many many months I have been driven by a secret obsession. Daily I stand with measuring beakers, ph strips, stirring away at seemingly endless concoctions.  I spend hours trawling safety assessments and learning about ratio’s and formulation.

It began with my hair & scalp reacting badly to regular shampoo.  Why? I cannot tell.  I was happily supporting all the major shampoo companies for many a year. I still don’t know if I had a cummulative reaction to ongoing use, or if my DS has made my hair as picky as my stomach. Same thing has happened to my skin. And worst of all lately if I use certain chemicals on my body, I get the weirdest thing ever - I taste the chemical in my mouth - what the heck this is I don’t know???

Anyhoo, I had devised a pretty good shampoo & I have to say it has done my hair more good than anything I have used to date, but as always  I can’t ever rest at ‘pretty good’.   I wanted more hair-nourishment. To complement it I worked on a conditioner one late night.  I don’t know why but the next morning I thought I should test it out all by it’s ownsome. My hair was a tad grimy so I did think about shampooing, but decided to just go ahead conditioner only - as I had included a fair % of natural surfactants (cleansers) in the formula & I was curious.

I massaged the conditioner into my hair - left it for a minute and washed it out. To my surprise it not only conditioned my hair (not perfectly but okish) and my hair was clean! A happy accident.

This lead to me thinking why on earth shampoo hair anyway?  If one could devise a conditioner that did the whole job - why not?

I surfed the web & saw more & more people are doing just that & using ‘no-poo’ methods. Quite wisely too imo.  It generally means a lot less chemical exposure, hair that is not subjected to the bruise & break of surfactants, just a much better more gentle way all round. I thought I might even buy a ready made ‘no poo’ type of cleanser - but most are fettered with chemicals too far away from mama nature and heavy use of silicones.  I want mine at least 60% closer to mother natures manufacturing plant.

And so I have been formulating for weeks on end. Researching and studying all the chemicals and natural actives like herbs, oils & butters that are possible players in my grand ensemble.

I read somewhere that even in a big cosmetic company it can take over a year to properly formulate a shampoo. I felt a bit better then. Until I realised they have a team on it & I am just a lone fart blowing about on a bat of my own!   

Still clearly I have determination if booger all else, and a cupboard full of motley chemicals & oils with unpronouncable names like : hydroxyethylcellulose & Bentrimonium.

I want this to be a quick solution, rub it in - rinse it off and go catch the day!   I want it to clean/condition/detangle/address my funny little hair regrowth factor that looks like feelers on top of my head/ nourish my scalp & smell delicious.   I think the little feelers are DS caused as I seem to have a rapid turnaround of hair loss & regrowth that I don’t remember having before my DS. Wonder if other WLS patients experience this too?My poor family have endured little sample pots in the bathroom & been guineas - bless them. Sometimes it has been disaster - like last week when my daughter tried one of my ‘experiments’ and semi hysterically asked me if it was normal to get a waxy coating on ones hair!   OMG  - it had worked ok on my hair the night before but on her hair it was a disaster.

I went back to my drawing board.

I think tonight I might have finally chipped it!  After a wash, my hair is clean. Not only clean - but soft like silk. (should be too as this formula does use silk amino’s for protein!) And shining with body. And flexible. My ‘feelers are not so standy-uppy. And not even a smidge of greasy feel!  YAYYYY!!!!

I know I keep singing that ‘I might have done it song’ …but I am soooo close.  Just a little stability testing & this might finally be the pillar of perfection I am striving for.

The rubbish thing is only time will tell. Will it work on all our hair types?  Will the emulsion be stable over the next few weeks or seperate out?  Will it cause build up or my hair to fall out??  Eeeek. 

Or will I stand with a luscious mane of vibrantly healthy hair in the next few months and feel all of this constant obsessing is worth the crazy persuit?

Please gods let me rest now. Let this be IT!  The happy end with a top result.  I want to move on & learn about creating other wonderful things.

Only time will tell if I am, finally,  a free hairwoman.

But enough now of hair matters. I am thinking next week I will begin to look at my nutrition - just what am I actually consuming daily in an analysis of my dietary habits?  Am I actually doing as well as I think I am or have I got ‘blind spots’ from too many years of not counting fats/carbs/proteins?   Do I really want to know?  Welll - not reallly, but it might be interesting!

My daughter has been feeling rotten. She has developed several infections  but the worst is a very infected ingrown toenail.  She feels stressed & low at the moment. She is off to Peru & Brazil for 6 weeks soon & is anxious about how she’ll cope with all the walking. Saw her GP who prescribed antibiotics & said she felt it was all due to her wisdom teeth breaking through and the infected gums there. Makes sense really.

But she needs more than just antibiotics. Aside from ordering more Udo’s chewables to balance her mouth bacteria plus her body while she is on antiobotics - it’s definately TLC time!

Last night I made her a healing anti stress bath salt with Copaiba oil (my fav at he mo for healing skin issues & the smell is gorgeous too!), a natural rose fragrance made from components of  essential oils for calming the emotions  & beautiful restoring frankincense, epsom salts, dead sea salt, glycerin (it moisturizes beautifully). I put rose petals into it for added pizzaz - it looked so pretty!

Then I transformed my pint sized bathroom into spa-land with fluffy new towels, sea sponges, candles, fresh flowers, an oil burner to scent the room with the same scents as the bath salts and a glass of herbal tea-juice in a champagne glass just for the final touch.

She came home exhausted  & while she was eating dinner I was doing the finishing touches in the bathroom  upstairs.  I lit the candles ran a deep hot bath & surprised her.  She was so over the moon.

I had to smile as she was up there soaking for well over two hours!!!

I thought how little it takes really to be attentive to our loved ones and to do something special just for them.   This is the stuff that makes Life a deep celebration for me. That at last I can do these things. This is the greatest gift my surgery has given me.

When I was severely obese I am still upset to say that life curdled in me. It was life with a small ‘l’. Actually it was more str-ife, with no small ‘l’ even.  I almost want to cry even now thinking about it.  It was enough to walk a few paces or to even lift my bulk out bed. Everything was EFFORT. Physical effort. Everything was me thinking about how I could do the simplest things without becoming finished with exhaustion. I won’t carp on about it but with this, I was extremely depressed. I was often thinking about how I could best end the whole misery of it.

Not all severely obese people are like this. Infact I know of some that are to my mind sheer grace & light. They gather up all those in need around them & transform others lives with kindness and compassion. They don’t let the obesity diminish them or their lives in any way.  But alas I was not one of them.

I was self obsessed but in a ‘need to survive’ kind of way. I had no energy for very much when it came to doing things for others. I did the basics - cooked and cleaned. That was about it. My family were just the best - they never complained. They never pushed me or made me feel bad. They did as much as they could to help me.  But even now I feel as if I was soooo selfish then. That’s maybe the hardest part to still swallow all these years later.

We often talk about ‘taking back my life’ in context with WLS.  It is one helluva thing for WLS to give one one’s life back, make no error.  To explore the amazing dynamics of fully functioning limbs, clothes that fit like magic, life bursting energy that allows us to persue our dreams and careers.  It is wonderful - very very wonderful.

For two years post op I jumped head on into life again….but it was still in many ways all about me. My family delighted in it all with me. If I close my eyes I still see Pete’s face & how it lit up with such joy - the day I ran up a massive flight of stairs and waved to him triumphantly, yelling down to him that I was not even a little out of breath!

I stopped visiting WLS forums a little time ago, just for a short while,  because I just got a bit tired of the ‘me-ness’ of it all.  My own ‘me-ness’ especially and to a much smaller degree the ‘me-ness’ of others. But before  you twack me on the side of my head - let me say that I totally understand it. I’m not judging - it’s just an observation & mostly of myself.  I was 100% ‘me-ness & DS’ for two years solid and I still have very full on ‘me-ness’ times…particularly when I get some issues due to my surgery. Besides my life is intricately interwoven with my surgery.  I’m very identified with my DS - as you can see by the vast blogging that I do on the subject!

It is natural - actually it is healthy too, it’s how we find support to move through the changes, to adjust to what cannot be changed, to survive the trauma of side effects, to solve our issues. And of course that is exactly why support groups exist. There is real evidence that WLS who are supported do better longerterm.  I think they are fantastic places and all WLS patients should belong to one or more.

However it’s easy in the heady rush or perhaps the less fun adjustments that WLS causes, to forget that to experience the greatest joy is to be able to begin afresh with ones family or loved ones.  It takes little really to think about how we can put a smile on the face of others & then implement a plan of action.

I have a dear friend, Bev.  We stayed with her in Switzerland for a night some time ago ( I think I blogged it!)   But to recap - when we opened the door to our room she had decorated the room with lot’s of photo’s of Pete & myself that she’d taken over the years. It was so thoughtful, so wonderful. To think someone would go to so much trouble for us! And the room was beautifully decorated with all the luxuries - chocolates on the pillows (yum!), a basket full of shampoo & cosmetic samples, fluffy bath robes and slippers.  I shall never forget it. We both felt so moved and cared about and we had the most wonderful stay with her.

Before I had my Duodenal Switch I made a (very long) list of everything I wanted to do.  I have fulfilled every dream & wish I had on that list. YAY!!!!

This year I have made another very list - it’s really different - it’s of everything I want to do for others.