Dances with DS

Walking with Jabu

Once when I was a teenager someone called me a big fat elephant. I think it is an insult to elephant’s frankly.  Even then I thought ‘why not just call me big and fat and be done with it’.

A few days before I was about to turn 10 DS years old on the 2nd of May,  I had an incredible elephant experience. I have thought on it a lot. It is symbolic for me that I led Jabu the massive elephant through the forest – light on my feet.

Jabu is an abbreviated form of the zulu word ‘jabulani’. It means Joy or happiness.

I am blessed with an abundance of joy and happiness in my life. I do, however, tend to focus on the stressy aspect of life and sometimes forget to give thanks for everything in my life that is good.  Walking with Jabu reminded me to be quiet and still and to attune to the bigger picture.

I won’t lie. At first I felt unholy terror coupled with deep fascination as Jabu and I held trunk and hand. She is a very large creature and I have a strong survival instinct! I conciously cleared my mind of all fear and she very gently but distinctly pushed her trunk up against my thigh and then her trunk relaxed in my hand. It felt like an acknowledgement that somehow she had sensed that I was done with the small stuff in my life. We both fell into a space of complete elephantine and human relaxation.

I still have my obesity deep within me. But with the help of my DS I lead it now.  It no longer rules my life. It has become a gentle elephant within.

For a long time I railed and anguished about what I felt was my curse of severe obesity. It’s not an easy place to be. Insults are only a small part of living in a prison of flesh, add ill health and depression to it and at times one can feel utterly lost, alone, overwhelmed.

Now however, I am oddly grateful that I have lived through being severely obese. I know too well that retrospect can be sweeter than reality was, but on balance, it has taught me a great deal.

It seems a lifetime away that I cried daily. That I could not bend. That I suffered from asthma, regular bronchitis, syndrome X and sleep apnea. That walking was slow and painful on puffy feet. That I lived a recluse existence.

Ten years later I’m out here. I have the elephant by it’s trunk. I am walking out of the long internal forest into a clearing that exists in my soul.

I am profoundly moved and grateful to be here.

**********************

Many many Thanks to my brilliant surgeons Professor Weiner and Mr Patel. As the years go on I still can’t truly voice how much you both changed my life for the better…words cannot express my gratitude. Those of us who are severely obese are very lucky to have talented and brave men like you who have vision and skill that saves us, when we no longer have anywhere or anyone left to turn to.  It’s because of you two that I could realise a dream to literally and metaphorically walk with joy…and Jabu!  xxx

To my friends and co-travellers at WLSinfo and elsewhere – thank you for being with me all the way, may your journeys also be full of joy and happiness. xxx

Most days I sit down to write an update and combat overwhelming frustration at the pathetic internet connections Africa hosts. Not only is it dire, but it is also ridiculously costly to have an inferior setup. Most South Africans cannot afford it, which further disadvantages the already disadvantaged. It’s actually disgusting that a crappy monopoly can lord it over much of Africa and not be held accountable in any way. Grrrrrr!

I have become used to instant downloads, an internet system that very seldom fails and on which livelihoods can be built in the UK. In Africa – forget it!  It’s a constant fight to maintain proper connections – it must be losing South Africa millions on a daily economic basis. Anyhoo – I go on persisting and sometimes I hit the jackpot and things are up and running. Mostly though it is a struggle and an exercise in patience second to none!

But enough ranting on that issue.  I’m getting concerned at my recent weight gains. I am going to have to curb the eating big time!  I’m in size 12 at the moment but enough is enough!  I fear gathering more weight like a rolling snowball – easy to do here in the land of plenty of sweet treats. Without a doubt it is this forage into breakfast rusks, koeksusters, sweet fruit rolls, melktert, doughnuts and such that is seeing me into daily contortions with my jean zip.  This week I plan to move back to  protein & veg only.

We got back from a fabulous long weekend in the Plett/Knysna Area late yesterday.  I love this part of South Africa. There are massive forests of indigenous trees. Here, in the forests the elusive, almost mythical Knysna Elephants wander. They are a sort of African elephant species – only smaller than the ones that roam the plains. They are seldom sighted and no one knows how many there are, although some believe there are around six roaming the forests.

We had the time of our lives. Again we travelled along the magnificent route 62 taking in the incredible mountains and valleys.  We passed through Worcester where my darling ouma (nan) used to live. I miss her still so very much all these years later.

We turn off into the Nuy valley where she grew up. It’s a feeble bid to move heaven and earth closer.  The valley is awash with vibrant colourful flowers.  It’s amazing. In my family it is known that the spirit of my ouma comes to us in the form of flowers. She speaks through them.  After she died I dreamed I was with her. She was wearing a robe of spangled light and on it were flower motifs of every type of flower imaginable. She looked younger. She told me to tell the family that she was truly happy. Then she vanished.

Driving through the Nuy Valley I felt her heartbeat there in every flower – and I too felt happy!

We passed green valleys lined with fruit orchards and vineyards. Here and there the cold autumn snaps have imparted glowing autumnal colours to the leaves already, ruby scarlet red, russet gold, golden greens, orange tinges with sunlight showing up the dark veins and making them glow.

We ate lunch in Montagu on the porch of an old homestead that is converted to a restaurant.   The graduated mountains never leave one as one journeys forth. We felt contained by them as they surrounded us on every side. It is a most magical drive.

Our destination was ‘ The Antlers ‘ – a fantastic well kept self catering resort. We stayed in a very comfy thatched roof chalet. The gardens are beautiful and the views make one feel rested immediately.

On our first day we walked on the beach nearby, then drove to the incredible Stormsriver mouth. We walked a kilometre on the wooden walkway that flanks the mountain there – up and down we went. I was so excited!

Over twenty years ago we were in the same spot with family and friends. Everyone wanted to walk to the river mouth and I tried. Unfortunately I only got halfway before I became breathless due to my weight. Perspiring heavily and feeling ghastly I told the rest I would wait in the forest for them and that they should go ahead. I waited a long time there – alone, heaving and gasping and feeling my blood pressure desperately trying to stabilise itself. Then suddenly out of the forest a rare magnificent serval cat stood – silent and beautiful, less than a meter from me.  It had distinctive black and white stripes on it’s ears and tail and if not for these I might have thought it a small leopard due to it’s spots.  We looked at each other for quite a long time and then it slunk away into the brush beside the path. It was an amazing experience and more than made up for the fact that I could not join the others. It is probably the only time that I was ever grateful for my obesity!

This time it was chalk vs cheese. I moved with ease – twenty years older and in a body that is agile and capable. In so many ways.  No breathlessness. No perspiration. Despite the challenges my surgery brings me I am beyond grateful for the miracle of this ease of movement – this ability to partake in adventures.

I easily made it all the way to the great suspension bridges that hang over the river. I felt elated, if somewhat scared crossing the swaying bridge.

The next day we visited the incredible Bird Park. It’s not to be missed if one is in the area. The birds fly free beneath a large canopy in the forest and it’s captivating to stand there and see bright flashes of colour as the birds fly freely around one. It was quite something to enjoy watching the Knysna louries in the park. I have always wanted to see one and now I have!

Later on, after lunch at the nearby Peppermill restaurant, I had the experience of my life in the company of six elephants. I kind of lose my words here, because it is literally indescribable to stand right next to an elephant – let alone walk through the forest holding the trunk of one of them!   There is something mind blowing about the feel of that warm alive trunk in my hand, that will stay in my consciousness forever. On the walk my sunglasses fell off. I thought tons of Ellie would surely crush them to smithereens. Instead she stopped, scooped up my sunglasses with her trunk and gave them to me!  I was completely besotted!

It should be mandatory for every human being to stand in the company of an elephant because just that small act changes one forever.

The question of captive animals is fraught with various concerns but sometimes captivity is a necessary evil. The elephants in this park are rescue animals and there are hopes that perhaps one day it may be safe to release them back into the wild. For now they change the human understanding by their presence in captivity. They teach respect and awe and also increase understanding of the importance of conservation. Africa without her elephants would no longer be Africa in the fullest sense.

For me the elephants are a symbol of everything I love about my birth country. They embody a raw power and majesty similar to the land that gave them birth.

I fell in love with South Africa all over again on this latest trip and since getting back to Cape Town I constantly find my mind trying to work out how and if living here part time will be viable. There are risks.  South Africa is no longer a safe predictable place. On the other hand there are times in the UK that the noose of predictable urban life has almost suffocated my spirit.

To live with a foot in each country is not going to be easy to organise. How to keep my home in the UK? Where to live in SA?  Costs of living in two countries looks daunting. We will need to be frugal and watch the money otherwise flight costs and running two ‘homes’ will drain us. There are challenges. I am concerned that if my surgery plays up here in SA I may not find the help I could need.

I long to live a semi-rural lifestyle here – but again I have underlying anxieties about my DS. Living with this surgery can be a real pain sometimes as one ponders all the ‘what if’s?’  I may have to take risks and hope for the best…but since the bowel obstruction I find myself always contemplating the possibilities of a crisis. It’s a pretty strange thing tied up with my survival mechanisms. I’m not sure I will ever shake it.

So my mind goes on and on and still I have little clarity. I hope to come to some way forward soon. It may be that I think too much, that I need to surrender to whatever is, and to whatever happens. Frankly – currently I have no choice, and for now that may be a very good thing!

I’m loving being here.  I never tire of Cape Town’s beauty. I never tire of a good dose of Vitamin D via sunshine either!

The wedding was held here:

http://www.surval.co.za/

To get to the venue we travelled through the small Karoo.  It is a very beautiful place. We took route 62 through the most incredible scenery. Mountain passes flanked by clear mountain streams, farmlands full of vineyards flanked with white rose bushes still in bloom,  which eventually give way to  verdant fruit orchards. Here and there are bright bougenvillia(?) plants – they bring flashes of cerise pink, violet, red to the roadside. All the time blue mountains surround the valleys in the distance.  It’s breathtakingly awesome all in one!

We had a wonderful time. I was very moved as family members I have not seen since my childhood were there.  It was stupendously joyous for me and again made me aware that the ones you love are what matters most in the entire world. Our family gathered in their droves and it was an amazing reunion full of warmth and laughter.

The wedding was fabulous, the bride was glowingly beautiful, the groom was handsome  ( I would say that – he is my cousin!) and his happiness was tangible.   He is deputy head of a London school and many of his peers and friends had come to SA especially for his wedding!  It was a mix of mostly Sefricans and English people, so I felt even more at home as a result of the mix of nationalities!

Since we’ve been here we have not stopped socialising.  I had plans to do many things but time is speeding away. Still, it is all fabulous and I am not complaining!  But sooner or later I must get down to reality and try to do more than just chat and eat!

My 49th birthday was fun – I was surrounded by family and friends  and spoilt rotten!

I sent via the airwaves a great big hug of gratitude to Mr Patel and his team and to Prof Weiner. I am here – 49 years old and able to live because of these incredible surgeons…words of gratitude are never enough and I often reflect on how lucky I am to be here because of their skills and generosity. Somehow birthdays bring it all home to me.

I miss my children greatly although I have constant contact with them.  It’s a constant source of restlessness in my psyche that my family is always fragmented by distances – no matter what I do!  I accept it but only because there is no choice.  I often think on how wonderful it would be if my tribe could be close to each other…if we could all benefit from physical proximity. It’s really a sad thing that families are split up this way. Still, there is nothing for it but to try to do the best one can under difficult circumstances. Thank heavens for technologies such as mobiles and skype.  Far from ideal but still much better than nothing!

Yesterday we chased the sunset and drove up Chapmans peak taking in the incredible sky that was splashed with hues of intense pink and orange and views of the ocean below us. I feel as though I am in a magical dream sometimes – I move from beautiful sight to beautiful sight on a daily basis. Part of me wants it to never end!

And now – on the not so wonderful side of life, I had an aching tum and lower oesophagus again most of yesterday, plus the old tight chested feeling… deep joy. I knew without a  doubt that the pylori is still there – so today I went to my GP here to get another course of antibiotics. Strong stuff again.  Sigh. 

I found my visit to my GP here  interesting. I did not have to be up at 8am ( or risk not getting a same day appointment) and then spend 20mins on the phone waiting to get through to the receptionist.

I called the practice at 11 am and was instantly spoken to. An appointment was set up for 4pm – without a GP calling me to verify that I needed the appointment today (not in 4 weeks time!)

I had a long wait to see the GP (some things are much the same!) but once I was seen I was struck by how much time I was given. No six minute rushed time slot here!

I felt my issues were acknowledged and that I received appropriate treatment without having to justify why I needed it. Without feeling that I should be grateful for any treatment at all.

My GP did not just stop at the Pylori issue. He asked about my overall health, answered some questions I had in depth, even took the time to go beyond my physical issues.

Not once did I feel the need  to suggest a possible course of action. My GP was in the know and I knew it!

What an easy, non stressful experience it was!   Yes – we paid privately – but it was well worth it.  I think I would happily pay up for medical insurance here to get this quality of care. It was top notch and I left the practice feeling properly cared for and optimistic.

Unlike my UK GP who never prescribes nor suggests probiotics either in conjunction with, or after antibiotics,  my GP here prescribed Lactobacillus plantarum 299vs off his own bat.

I only noticed this while paying for my meds and decided to ask the pharmacist for his take on using probiotics and antibiotics together.  It’s a subject that often comes up on forums and over the years I have heard many opinions but few explanations as to the pro’s and cons of using the two simultaneously.

He said that Lactobacillus plantarum 299v probiotic is an anti-yeast agent and that it should not be affected by antibiotics which target bacteria.

I still cannot quite grasp this – but I’m willing to give it a shot – anything to avoid the dreaded thrush!

Pondering this tonight, I’m thinking that there are many probiotic strains out there and it’s possible that while antibiotics might kill off some, others utilise different mechanisms and can survive the onslaught.

I’m realising that it may be short sighted to generalise when it comes to probiotics.  I’m also realising that it is a vast field – with limited research as yet – and that if we get smarter we might be able to apply specific probiotics to specific conditions for optimal usage.

For example there may be certain probiotics better suited to use for diahorrea. Others may be more beneficial for NASH or cancers.  I’m just throwing out my own thoughts here – it’ll be interesting to see how research develops in the future.

I’m struck by the fact that we are all in a constant learning  state. I think when I have more time I will try to learn more about each type of probiotic in it’s individual context.

An interesting aside is that over the past month I have developed a craving par none for Kimchi… a Korean fermented veg pickle.  I seem to eat it along with breakfast, lunch and dinner lately. Turns out that Kimchi is a good source of Lactobacillus plantarum. 

How smart is the body!  I’ve always felt our bodies are intelligent and for me this is more evidence even if entirely without scientific back up. Clearly I need plenty of L. plantarum and somehow my body knew that.

So here I go again. I’m not a happy camper that I’m on antibiotics again but have no choice. On the plus side we have caught it early and before it causes the sort of physical hell I had last time.  Hopefully this time round will see it off good and proper.  Fingers crossed.

…and I am loving it!

I have finally got rid of the terrible thrush. It took nystatin in the end – daily doses to kill the boogers off but they are gone.  My diahorrea is sorted out too – it was an uphill struggle this time. I had days I lived off 70% probiotics and pre-biotics, but they did do the trick. Patience is decidely a virtue – but let’s not underestimate the effort either.

I have consumed mega amounts of acidophilus, yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese, banana’s, almonds with skin on. I have avoided any wheat based carbs and lowered my sugar intake significantly. I have focussed on quality meats eaten quite plain. Simple foods and veggies rich in soluble fibres have worked wonders.  I cut down on most oils/fats for a while ( the exception was daily fish oil) but I am back on them now. My skin became flaky & dry – good oils benefit me.   Most difficult for me, I have taken in at least 2 liters of water daily.  An unbalanced DS is a hard taskmaster – either we listen or we suffer.

I’m not sure the Pylori is all sorted – I have little twinges from time to time. Testing will reveal all & my hope is the twinges are just sore tissue. H Pylori really ravages body tissues. Nasty thing!

I am not taking PPI’s.  This is either foolish or brave – I don’t know. I thought it through carefully before testing the waters. I have had no obvious reflux issues.  So far.

One thing I have learned is that my body generally knows best. It’s smarter than many doctors – but it does require that I listen to it, observe it, work with it.  This can involve making mistakes and learning the hard way sometimes. But so far – it seems my strategy is paying off. Fingers crossed.

I could not help wondering if the fact that I constantly lower acid in my gut by taking big zinc doses did not have something to do with creating a perfect H Pylori breeding ground?

I think it merits lot’s more research. Keeping a healthy acid environment in the gut – might be a key player in WLS patients overall health?   Many years ago Mr Kerrigan mentioned his concerns about WLS patients using  acid inhibitors longerterm and I concur with what he said.

But enough of the issues I have recently had. I was knocked flat by the pylori and all the stresses of job changes and travelling, but I am back upon my feet and hoping soon to get back optimal energy.

I’m exploring beautiful Cape Town and finding it a fab place to be. Every day I look at the mountain and my cup feels full.   I’m basking in the warmth of family, enjoying old friendships, exploring wonderfully creative little shops, taking in the ocean and mountain scenery and tasting lot’s of delicious food!

I’m thinking hard on potentially starting a part time business here, probably next year – perhaps an exclusive little shop selling an eclectic mix of vintage clothing/accessories and oriental vintage and antiques. Loads of research needs to be done to determine if it will be viable or not.

I love Cape Towns collective aura – it really is a bastion of creativity. As a white person there are no hand outs at all and this has made people very entrepreneurial and visionary in lot’s of ways.  A great love of the arts abounds and life is certainly never boring.  Add this vibe to sunshine and scenic beauty and it is a heady mix indeed.

Just a pity about the crime.

Safety wise – it is not the best unfortunately.  Tales of being held up in one’s own house are not infrequent and I struggle to get back into being vigilent.  An elderly lady (in her 70′s)I met on my last visit here,  is dying in hospital as I write – smashed to a pulp by thugs that broke into her home a few nights ago.  Stabbed and kicked,  she is so badly beaten her liver has been seperated from the rest of her body. It seems they can do nothing for her.  It is tragic and terrible. All we can do is pray they are giving her enough morphine.

The only thing is that she did live on a smallholding without proper security measures. A sitting duck really.  Strikes me one should be able to live ones life without building a fortress around one – but until the government here takes accountability for the thuggery & crime – this is but a pipe dream. Those that choose to ignore the reality risk these brutal deaths.

There are two camps of thought – those who feel it is totally pervasive and those who feel it is over rated and that some are just more paranoid than others.  It is hard to find out what the middle ground is – of course if it’s you being held at gun point or kicked and stabbed – it voids all perspective forever.

On the whole the people here are friendly. I’m hoping being savvy will help me avoid it.  My little garden flat is very safe – tucked away at the back of my mum’s property I don’t feel exposed and sleep well.

This weekend we are off to my cousins wedding in Oudtshoorn. I am excited to be going back briefly to the Karoo area, a place which holds strong ancestral meaning for me.

So – here I am – soaking up the moments and enjoying every minute of the day!

The day has arrived and I am off to Heathrow today at 4.00pm to catch my flight out to South Africa. My family there are waiting for me – I cannot wait to see them all!

I’m all packed and ready to go…I feel like a travelling supplement company!  At the last minute my overworked washing machine has packed up on me but  hopefully  we can restart it. It seems to have a blocked outlet – so fingers crossed.   I still have a few hours left but my clothes I was going to travel in are sodden! That’ll teach me to not always push the last minute scenario’s!

I have had the most entrenched thrush ever since stopping antibiotics.  Nothing seems to have touched it including my old standby canestan oral pill.  However after megadosing on good bacteria yesterday (6 acidophilus, 4 oral acidophilus,  plus countless yogurts and actimels) today I had my first solid-ish stool.  How happy can a poo make one for heavensake! 

I hope it signals a return to normal DS gut function at last. Most of all I am just praying the H. Pylori has gone for good. Will test in SA in 4 weeks time.

I hope to still be able to nip onto the WLSinfo forum from time to time, but no doubt will miss some of the posts there – so for all those on site take care of each other, I know you will.   I will miss everyone such a lot.xx

Good luck to the newbies going in for surgery and for those struggling with issues,  keep doing your best and remember sometimes it is a slow but steady plod back to better health.  Keep holding the faith that things will improve especially on the days it all seems overwhelming.

And remember to take your Vits and eat your protein!

Hugs & Love. xxx

 Today at the sweet crack of dawn I dragged my body out of bed and went  on the hunt for a dress to wear to my cousins wedding in a few weeks time.  A real last minute operation and I felt a little panicked.  I decided to visit some local charity shops to see what was on offer and to do some other last minute shopping.

I went into shop after shop in search of the elusive perfect dress. I felt a little despondent as there was nothing that took my fancy. Then in the very last charity shop on the block,  I finally hit the jackpot!  I bought a beautifully hand beaded silk vintage flapper dress for all of £28.00!   It’s a subtle soft creamy colour which remind’s me of when white silk ages into that faded light tawny tea hue, with a old glass beads attached to it, a low slung hip belt and it fit’s like it was made for me.

Light colours are generally a big leap for me to wear – I still like dark colours(a habit from my old obesity days when I felt black helped me to disappear… and so I asked the lovely shop assistant what she honestly thought of it on me as I ventured out of the dressing room.

She thought it was lovely and suggested I wear a long flapper type necklace with it. I flashed on an old necklace I have that is flapper. It’s Chinese and  made of gorgeous pressed Peking glass and in the same breath she said – I think a lovely turquoise necklace would look fabulous!  That made me smile – she was clearly very intuitive!  While we were nattering about the details other people started chipping in with suggestions and it was good fun – like getting one’s very own team of personal dressers!  

Suddenly I did not want to leave England. I really love the people here – I love how they chat with one so freely. I love their wit and general kindness.  There is this understated gentleness in many people – a real tolerance for a dappy slightly off the wall old cow like myself.   And I am going to miss foraging in the charity shops and the car booties from time to time – although it will probably do me good not to be led into temptation!

I also picked up a  set of glam strappy sandals. I’m a bit picky about second hand shoes I always start thinking of dire foot fungus for some horrible reason – but these had never been worn. They were pristine.  I was dead pleased – a whole outfit for under £45.00. Bargain!

I got home utterly spent though, just in time to hit the toilet  and had to go to bed for a couple of hours to try to find strength again.

I finished the antibiotic course yesterday. I’m pretty wrecked from it – still got diahorrea, a tinny numb type of mouth,  and a damn sore raw botty.  Although the pain of gastritis seems to have gone & I am relieved about that, I don’t feel well by a long chalk.  I am still belching quite a lot – but it is possible that although I have no pain the tissue is trying to heal. I hope that the only reason I am feeling so ragged is just due to my new development – joy of joys,   thrush.

I took a thrush med today so am hoping that will do the trick.  I have no appetite at all so have spent the day mainly eating yogurt, a little kefir and taking  acidophilus and Vit K2.  Lunch was cottage cheese.  I had a chicken thigh and a couple of tablespoons of white basmati rice for supper.  I have lost even more weight but probably just my excess.  I’m ok with that as no doubt all the delicious food in Cape Town will see me gaining some again once I feel better.  Tomorrow my plan is to start going back to taking my vits – building up the dose to full intakes hopefully within a week or two.

In the past I have bounced back from using flagyl, with some effort – but  have to say I have never had the strong side effects I’ve had this time. Diahorrea – yes, but the tinny mouth taste, the extreme aches etc are quite pronounced. It may be that the other antibiotic has made it worse – I don’t know. I just hope seven days was enough to kill the Pylori off as the thought of doing this again soon – well, I can’t even go there in my head at the mo!

I’m still taking the PPI’s but I am honestly not that convinced that this is a good idea.  I wonder if I am indeed secreting too much acid?   H Pylori does the opposite – it prefers a non acidic environment and alters the stomach ph so that it can thrive.   The nub…   PPI’s longerterm may not help the mucosal tissue in the stomach (unless of course one has genuinely too much acid secretion).  I’m also not convinced that longerterm they will not make me prone to SIBO (due to lack of proper digestion in my tum) and potentially also affect my iron and calcium intake.I can do without all these potential knock on effects.

I have to really think this through carefully.  I might try to fly in the face of convention and move to increase my acid secretion somehow…but I’m blooming nervous.   Or maybe terrified is the word. If the gastritis is not healed up allowing acid to form might burn my still fragile sleeve.  Gastric pain – I can’t face it again & if my logic here is wrong and I don’t take the PPI’s – I might be in for another bout of abject pain.  Once bitten, as the old wisdom goes, twice shy!

I’m thinking I will perhaps lower the PPI’s and then after weaning off them start using  pepto bismal or gaviscon as a stepping stone back to hopeful more normal acid production and see how it goes from there.

Sometimes it is best to do babysteps instead of giant leaps.

I am also tired in a way of experimenting on myself like a ship in the night.  Shooting for good outcomes based on research and attempted logic is part of my re-routed life and a learning curve continually, but how I sometimes long for a GP in the know!  Imagine – a GP who understands not only how H pylori works but what it does to a WLS gut. Although so far – such as with refusing Biphosphonates and instead taking Vit K2 and some other bone synergists,  I have come out on top and had real benefits …there is always the possibility of a hefty kick up my experimental butt!  Or should I say ‘gut’.

Interesting – in South Africa there are Bariatric GP’s. They appear to work on the surgeon’s teams. I think it is a brilliant concept – I feel this is a major part of the picture that is missing here in the UK.   Our surgeons quite often end up having to do GP type of jobs.  Personally in my ideal world they should be focussing on helping as many people possible by doing the brilliant ops they do -  without having to deal with the lesser WLS ailments…such as blooming H Pylori. Without Mr Patel how would I ever have known this was the culprit?!  My GP was concerned but at a total loss.

I plan to connect with one or two of the Bariatric GP’s down there and try to get a feel for how they see their role.  I am interested to know how many patients they see and what issues they deal with.  I think they might need a little gentle DS education though!

This has been a terribly draining month in all.  Stressful.   I need to just put it behind me for a while.  It helps that next week I am finally off to CT on the 27th!  To think I should have already been there a few weeks ago. Still, I have to say on balance I am glad I have waited, as travelling in my state would have been too much.

Once I’m there I guess I will be doing lot’s of lateral thinking about how to restore my  sleevie back to it’s well functioning healthy old self and how to resume balanced gastric function.

Also I will walk on the beaches and take in the fresh sea air, gaze up at table mountain and I will watch the sunset over the ocean, hug my young nieces and nephews and catch up with their growth spurts,   and I know I will find some wonderful replenishment of my spirit doing these things!

I watched a thought provoking program on telly last night about some of the reasons for obesity. The truth about fat. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01dzfgb

At last! 

Yes, there was nothing truly new there – not to the WLS veterans who research these things avidly in any event.  However,  maybe finally the message will filter into the mainstream press and mind. I’m so hopeful,  probably foolishly so.

We need medical professionals to keep speaking out about the possible causes of obesity as it is the only way research can progress. It’s the only way to rid society of it’s locked in, ignorance about the condition.

When I was obese,  for a long time I carried a psychological burden as great as my physical one. I blamed myself. I bought wholesale into the idea that I had no willpower. I felt despicable on so many levels and ashamed. Public opinion often openly directed at me – did not help. It made me a defensive, shut down  human being.

To live like this is a tragedy of unspeakable proportions, whether obese or a bariatric patient.

For years on forums bariatric patients so often have berated themselves. Locked into this archaic mindset, they suffer with self blame, guilt, even quite often self harm.  It’s heartbreaking.

What was explored on the program may free someone from the sort of self blame I had for so very long until one day I began to truly question it.

I remember how realising it was a disease of some kind gave me a huge sense of relief and internal freedom.

I especially connected with the satiety story a lot – that was me pre-op.  I’m not saying it was the only factor but for me, it was a very large part of my problem.  Years ago I blogged shortly after my surgery that I could not believe that my DS had given me sudden ownership of what satiation truly was and what it meant in the context of my life.

It was like receiving the ultimate gift. I also knew then that this was a key player lacking in my life before my surgery.

Although my satiety signal does not always prevent me from falling off the wagon or sometimes eating the wrong types of foods, it is still here with me.  It still works very well and I am grateful for it.

At one point they showed how an obese persons brain lights up at the plate of fatty foods.  I suspect mine would light up into a towering blaze of light… 

- even though I am no longer obese!

Mind you in my defence these would need to be fatty foods of the protein rich variety and not the fatty-carb variety.

I’d have liked to have seen much more about the bariatric side of things…but lets face it a program can only cover so much.

I do feel perhaps they should have left the bariatric surgery aspect out and covered it a lot more in depth in a second program that covered all the surgeries (including the DS for once!).

I think a follow up  program is essential because the snippets about bariatric surgery may give  the incorrect impression that the gastric bypass will provide a cure for satiety when all evidence suggests that longer term it does not effect a full cure.

This is not a good message to present to desperate people who might not do adequate research into the surgery types. It sets patients up for dashed hopes and self blame down the line.

Dr le Roux is a great champion for the RNY – however I wonder if his PPY theory might have a limited timespan for example…is there any data out there showing how things stand up in the longerterm???

Just go out to the many forums and take a look at the amount of dieting and revisions required.  Of course this is not true of everyone with a gastric bypass – but I think the majority struggle.  I find it very worrying and have for a long time.

On another tangent …
I’m pushing the writing on my blog this month!  Partly because my blog is my personal ongoing therapy when life throws me a whammy – or a H Pylori bug, as the case may be – but also because I suspect once I am in Cape Town there may be a fallow period while I adjust and set up my laptop etc.

I meant to add to my last post that H. Pylori is not specifically a WLS type of bad bug – not at all. I’m not sure I was clear enough about this.   Unlike the notorious bowel overgrowth among WLS patients , it doesn’t appear to mind what sort of tum environment it inhabits.  Resected or normal, it’s all good as far as H pylori is concerned!

What I was trying to say is that having it greatly impacts on my surgery.  Mostly from the nutrition aspect.  I have lost weight very rapidly again. This I could luckily deal with as I had a little excess fat on my body of late – but not being able to take my vitamins and minerals for a month has left me feeling under nourished and in combo with the gastritis just weak really.  I know I can get away with a week or two of no Vit taking usually – but a month is starting to push it!

I hope to swiftly rebuild my gut flora once the antibiotics are finished.  I’m not going to put vitamins into a devoid gastric tract until I establish a good healthy environment that ensures maximum uptake and benefit. So I must act fast to rebuild my gut flora.  I use yogurt daily and lots of it but I plan to embark on some serious pre/pro-biotic strategies as soon as I can.

Obviously good old acidophilus is in my arsenal.  I’ll also probably use chicory coffee for inulin as it tastes quite nice and I can get it in SA easily.

Last but not least,  I have also procured some Kefir grains off e-bay.  Why – because during my research I found the paper below. Also, if it can help pylori, it may be equally good for bowel overgrowth syndrome. In any event it provoked my insatiable curiosity.

http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/jmf.2010.0099

I ordered two types – a water one for making ginger beer with a probiotic slant and a milk one for milk based kefir yogurt.  I’m very keen on the probiotic ginger beer idea, I love ginger beer!  I’ll have to de-fizz it though as fizzy drinks still don’t sit that well with me!

I’ll probably use chicory coffee for inulin as it tastes quite nice and I can get it in SA easily.

The kefir arrived today. The milk one looks like tiny cauliflower heads, the water one is gelatinous grains. I plan for these to travel to South Africa with me and will begin culturing them there.   I’ll report on how it goes and what the end products taste like. I’m excited to try this kefir out, I hope it tastes good!

Other than that I’m mainly tidying up – what on earth my problem is I don’t know!  I can never leave my home without it being in an overly pristine state – so ridiculous!  I start doing crazy things like unpacking my linen cupboard and repacking it!   Like it even matters!

I am semi packed…and already it looks like I am a sales person for a pharmaceutical company.  Vita4Life, zinc, Vit D & A, iron, Vit K2,  calmagD,  V4Lifes new calcium product, HRT pills, omeprazole, pepto bismal,  plus various natural supps such as mastika, slippery elm  and the kefir cultures – it is bonkers and fills a good shopping bag full to the brim! I suppose it is almost three months worth. I have a doctors letter covering most of  it incase I get stopped at customs.

And now enough rambling – I must get on with things while the sun still shines!  The wormery has survived winter and I have some fab vermicompost to spread onto the rose garden!  I will need to set the wormery up for my time away. They will need fresh food and bedding,  so am doing this today.  

Friendly little warning:

This is a typical ‘me’ blog – long and somewhat unwieldy.

Feel free to escape my  mitherings and go to the bottom of the blog to explore a more ( I hope!) concise breakdown of H Pylori symptoms and links.

*****************************

Some time ago, in Croatia I had a couple of bad day’s gastrically. Sudden onset of feeling  pain in my stomach and feeling nauseas. I doubled my acidophilus, took lot’s of yogurt and thought nothing too much of it. This often happens to me when I travel, so I did not blink or complain – just continued having a good time on holiday & it resolved within a day or two. Could it have been the start of H Pylori?  I’ll never know.

My full blown troubles  began with a sudden golf ball feeling in my throat.  Not very comfy. I wondered if perhaps I’d overeaten.

The next morning my  throat burnt like the blazers low down in my chest. I had difficulty swallowing anything. My voice became hoarse and I felt awful.  Even water was an ordeal to drink but I kept forcing it down.

I went to see my GP.  She gave me lansoprazole and a short course of low dose antibiotics.  I became able to partially swallow again, which was a relief. I had strange sensations in my throat of food sticking and a weird feeling that my oesophagus had no motility.  I managed very sloppy foods, but it took an age to eat them.  Moreover despite antibiotics and PPI’s the burning in my oesophagus did not abate.  It went from bad to violent, a searing agony in a few days. I tried stomach friendly painkillers but they barely took the edge off it.  I started to get worried.

I contacted my surgeon, Mr Patel. He suggested I try omeprazole instead of lansoprazole and it did seem to improve the situation.  However only slightly. I still had residual difficulty swallowing and the burning chest  was fast becoming debilitating.  I also developed back pain.  As I associate pain on the front and back with an obstruction of some kind…I thought perhaps my old hiatus hernia had twisted in my chest…or  that I might be having a heart attack,  both were scary thoughts.

We had  private medical insurance, but because Pete had just changed jobs we thought it might be no more. As it was we managed to arrange with his ex-company that we could retain it as long as we wanted. It’s a good thing Pete had left the company on really good terms!   Anyway this enabled us to fast track things and we got an endoscopy and barium meal approved within days.

Mr Patel did the endoscopy and I woke up feeling only a little woozy.  He said there was redness around the upper oesophagul sphincter and I had gastritis.  We’ll have to wait for the biopsy results.

Meantime my chest was still burning with a gnawing pain , my tummy felt increasingly distended and raw. As though someone scalded it from the inside with boiling water.  The pain was intense. I felt exhausted.

I begin to belch and retch frequently.  What I found upsetting is that I smelt decay on the belches and in the mornings when I got up there was a vile odour in my bed.  I developed obsessions with washing myself & the bedding.   (Interesting is that when the doctor who found H Pylori swallowed the culture one of the things he said was noticeable was the smelly breath & bo. ..see link below for more info on this symptom of H Pylori.)

Some days I struggled with sudden intermittent nausea although I never vomited.  My stomach felt weighty, sore and distended.

I missed my practice of joyful eating  :-D   although I had no physical appetite it was clearly psychological.  I tried to subsist on soft yogurt and fortified milk. Meat was no go. Fat was no go. I managed a little saucy tuna and chicken livers, sometimes a little white fish and soft prawns.  I was eating less than a quarter of my usual portion size and even that was an ongoing struggle.

During this time I discovered a cottage cheese at Tesco’s  ‘light choices’ pineapple, mango, passionfruit. It comes in a smallish punnet and yields 14 gms of protein and I tolerated it well and ate it several times a day.   I relearned the art of chewing  to a watery pulp before swallowing.

My bowels became constipated and my stool output was frankly, pathetic for a DSer.

Most days I felt concerned about taking no vitamins and not getting enough protein.  I started to lose weight fast.

Sometimes I think I get these things to ‘prime’ me for what it really feels like…you know, like bowel obstructions or H Pylori!    Yep. Thank you Universe I love you too!   So next time I say to someone with H Pylori,  ‘ahhhh, you’ll just need some antibiotics then’, let me remember the worry, the disruption, the horrible difficulty eating and drinking and certainly not least the terrible raw pain of it all.

H Pylori is no blooming joke, believe me.

One night lying in bed burning with intense  pain in my stomach area and now starting to feel pain lower down in my intestine to boot     I felt at my wit’s end.     Having ruled out most mechanical type causes, except for a poorly  functioning oesophagus sphincter,  I began to wonder if a bowel overgrowth could attack the stomach and throat!   Highly unlikely -  but what if?

In the morning I called my GP and begged her for metronidazole  and  cipro for ‘possible bowel overgrowth’.  She was very sympathetic but reluctant to prescribe anything. I guess from her point of view she has to be careful & can’t dole out antibiotics like sweets.

From my point of view though, I find it appalling that WLS patients cannot get the meds they need for common problems that cause great distress.   I think all WLS types that are prone to SIBO should get a letter stating that sometimes antibiotics are required for this,  on discharge from the hospital,   to be put on the GP’s database.

Anyway -  I didn’t bother trying to argue much, tbh I was just too tired – instead I wept slightly hysterically,  I am embarressed to admit. ops:

I am beyond exhausted, I am in dire pain, I feel malnourished, I was supposed to be in Cape Town already,  but am too ill to even travel anymore.   She hesitantly prescribes the two drugs I asked for,  metronidazole and ciprofloxacin. I’m not happy to find they are low dose but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.  Better than nothing I think.   I start them.  By day two my burning chest is considerably better – I can swallow freely.    I congratulate myself heartily…thank the gods there is light at the end of my tunnel.

This is when I know I have a bug of some kind. But H Pylori still does not cross my mind!

Later on day two  I get the biopsy result stating I am H Pylori positive and must get eradication therapy. It’s a huge relief to know the exact bug and that I can get it all sorted out. It’s also good to know they have not yet caused damage in my gut (ulcers, more rarely cancer) – may they never get chance either.

I call my GP with the results and as of yesterday I’m taking course of proper strength metronidazole, clarithromycin and PPI’s.

In South Africa I will  follow this up and check if I am clear. I have a wonderful GP there. I trust his judgement in the same way that I trust Beth’s and Mr Patel’s.

It  is early days.    On the higher dose I am currently hugely bloated(think twins full term!)  and have lot’s of gurgling gastric noises, a massive barrage of wind,  constant (but totally smell free )diahorrea.  I think there is big die off of all manner of nasty bugs going on.  Good!

I’m achey & still feel very tired but hey, after everything this past month, I don’t really care!  The big one is that I have almost no burning pain left in my tum/chest area which is amazing. I do feel tender still, but it is only 2 days in!   I am feeling much much better.

With any luck the high dose will kill the little screwfaced torpedo boogers dead in their burrowing tracks.  Note – if you have them don’t even look at a microscopic pic of what they look like – my skin is still crawling! 

I have results so I’m highly optimistic and hoping that this is the problem that has given me such misery…but time will tell.

At the Barium meal,  the radiologist did say my upper sphincter was barely working & there was inflammation there.

This still concerns me just a teeny bit – but I am thinking if the Pylori were in that upper sphincter area they could well have caused malfunction. I  just hope it is temporary and that my sphincter resumes normal function once my gut is less inflammed and irritated.  Fingers crossed. If it does not I might need the PPI’s longerterm – not my best thought of the day!

Being me, in case of mechanical reflux issues,  I had already researched a nifty promising gadgetry called the Linx which I briefly discussed with Mr Patel who does the procedure.  ( Double luck!!!)

http://linxrefluxsurgery.com/about-us/mr-ameet-patel

Research it if your reflux is caused by mechanical issues…it has some cons but overall if I was desperate  I would very likely go for it.   Hopefully mine is all pylori though..but one never knows!

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED:

*Your GP may be smart and get you the right tests but many times they will just say ‘ah yes, you have  reflux’ and give you PPI’s.   I saw two GP’s and neither  suggested H pylori (despite me having all the symptoms). Ideally one would see a gastroenterologist, but the rub is one could wait for 6 weeks for an appointment on the NHS. I honestly don’t know how one would do this given the pain, but then I should – seeing as we have people with possible bowel obstructions waiting for weeks for appropriate diagnostics. It’s very unfortunate.

Fair enough to prescribe PPI’s as a first approach treatment – to a point.  However,  I’m not really satisfied with ‘you have reflux, so off you go and  live on meds approach’ – I want to know what is actually causing the reflux, but that’s just me.    So,  if you find you are switching to other PPI’s and they are not really helping you – ask for H Pylori tests and expand from there to other tests if you don’t have H pylori.

I have always said to my peers – your body does not tell porkies.   If there is severe discomfort that lasts or pain something is wrong.  Chase it. Track it down.  I know it is no fun to feel like a pushy whatsit, but consider your alternatives…are you willing to just live with the pain/discomfort?   Some people live for years with no concrete diagnosis, it is very unfortunate.  I chat with them quite often and it is very upsetting that this happens mainly because they are such a lovely unpushy but often far too accepting types.

Find someone with the medical ability to help you do so. This can be tough as it involves much change, much searching around and when one is below par it is a big effort.  Look for GP’s, surgeons etc who think outside the box.  I’m very grateful that my surgeon Mr Patel takes an investigative approach to pain that is not based on guess work but on getting the diagnostics done.  It was his idea to do a biopsy for H Pylori & I am so pleased and thankful he did!

* There are many reasons for gastritis .  WLS patients can get gastritis caused by pernicious anemia. It could be a virus, it could be reflux due to poor food choices. But it could be H Pylori. Test for pernicious anemia and H. Pylori first, you may save time and money.

*Bacteria can cause extreme pain. Yes, I did think maybe I had cancer. At one stage I thought it might be my heart. The chest area holds a number of vital organs and pin pointing severe pain can be difficult. Also do not underestimate H Pylori caused pain,  it is something I hope I will never experience again.

SHORTLIST OF MY SYMPTOMS:

Bear in mind this is what I experienced – mileage can vary somewhat, so research what others experience too .

Difficulty swallowing

Pain in oesophagus and stomach

Gastritis

Feeling of very distended bloated tummy.

Very early satiety ( I think caused by the gastritis) and no appetite

Retching, Nausea, belching, vile odour (breath & body)

Exhaustion…brain fog…exhaustion

H PYLORI LINKS:

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2007/0201/p351.html

http://www.helico.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicobacter_pylori

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/170066-treatment

Interesting case study involving H Pylori and halitosis.
http://www.helico.com/case_study-01-halitosis_and_hpylori.html

Breaking Press about the possibility of type two diabetes being linked to H Pylori:

http://zeenews.india.com/news/health/diseases/scientists-uncover-gut-bug-linked-to-type-2-diabetes_16036.html

Notes:

Having watched several of Dr Marshall’s video’s ( he is the doctor who discovered  H Pylori)  I started to wonder why if the bacteria were creating an achlorhydric environment (low acid) do we need to use PPI’s as part of the antibiotic therapy?  It seems reflux is not the problem here so theoretically we should not need acid inhibitors.

Well, it seems that for the antibiotics to work effectively maintaining a PH above 4 is important.

http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/457393_4

This made some sense to me.

Possible nutritional impact of H. Pylori and treatments such as PPI’s:

One can really struggle to get enough protein into one’s body.  Do use a protein drink, I had milk enriched with marvel and used Nectar protein a few times.  I also had Dietimeal caramel puddings, egg custards and protein enriched soups. I had to resort to old post oppie tactics – such as using parmasan cheese in my soup to push protein. Shepards pie sat ok,white fish & soft prawns were manageable.I had a lot of homemade chicken broth. Oat’s porridge, strained and mixed with marvel sits well.

Eat frequent small sloppy meals.  I know it hurts but keep trying regardless.

Keep fluids up.

I did not take any vitamins and am not taking them on the course of antibiotics either. I just cannot tolerate them right now. You may be able to do so – if so take them with lot’s of water.

I’m not personally a fan of low acid environments which both H Pylori &  longerterm PPI’s can cause. I wonder if they allow bacterial overgrowth to become problematic, there’s some evidence out there to suggest this.   Also being a big user of certain minerals such as calcium and iron I wonder if I lower my ability to absorb them effectively.  There seems to be some evidence that H Pylori can cause anemia.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19787827

While this might mean little to anyone other than a malabsorber, it’s of a big concern to me.   Protein requires acid to break it down too – again important for a DSer/ WLSer . Sometimes PPI’s are the only way forward, I understand that – however monitor your albumin, calcium and your iron levels if you use them longerterm.

Do others ever get to a point where it no longer behoves one to even discuss how ghastly one feels?

Still there is a light at the end of the tunnel – one of my biopsies shows I have got H pylori.   This would explain my symptoms – although never in my wildest dreams would I have thought H pylori could cause so much distress and outright pain!  It’s a huge relief though as H Pylori is entirely curable!    I still need to get antibiotics sorted for it so not yet sure if all my symptoms go away – but I am holding out lot’s of hope they will. I can’t see why not.  Will connect with my GP first thing tomorrow.   I have a thousand thoughts on this so  will blog more about it later.

(apols about the repost but for some reason the above paragraph was not on the original – my technical incompetence no doubt!

I had a bad wretching episode a few hours ago which gave me the jitters and kicked off all my fears about whether I am ever going to be in Cape Town. I know – that’s melodramatic as we do have something to work with now ! But we have delayed and delayed our progress & this with a new job for Pete – it has been hard…

However at last my darling has gone to test the new waters in South Africa – it is strange to be all alone. I miss him. I cannot think I won’t get better enough not to be there with him,  I will go – sick as a dog or not.  But how I would love to go well and shining with good health.  With a bounce in my step and the energy to care for my family there. I would love to run up to him when I arrive, all back to my zesty (if stubborn) old self.

It will happen.

So it is that alone at night -  I question where my life is going?  Is it going to be viable to straddle two continents?  Pete and I have agreed only this,  that we would go to CT with an open mind for 3 months and after that we would hopefully be able to make a future plan.  It really is a vast unknowing…the job may or may not work…we may decide that SA is too risky for us or that floating around relying on family with two suitcases sucks…or is freeing and wonderful!

The only thing I am certain about is why I am trying to set up a life split between two countries.

I’m doing it because I cannot see any other way to love my family than to try to be there for them more.

Everytime I say goodbye to my mum – well, there is great sadness in my heart, let’s not talk the tears. I think now the years are not so many and realistically there is not much time. In any event since Pete’s lovely parents died and my dad died I have a shite sense that immortality is not possible. If ever I secretely hoped losing their presence on this earth has kicked me into wake up mode like never before.

I feel the need to build up a memory bank of interaction, caring, being in my mothers  space.  I feel the tangible need to strengthen the more physical bonds of life – the seeing of some one on a near daily basis,  the ability to hug her often, to be there when she is not well, the bringing home of grandchildren to provide quality of life (when they can come to visit).

I’m doing it because I have become wayyy too ‘comfortably numb’  and somewhat sickeningly boring to myself. It’s shake up time.

I’m doing it because I’d love to be part of the WLS growth spurt in my country.  I’d love to be there to lend an ear or a little support on the road to others.

I’m doing it because I intend to try to practice non attachment to things.  This is a BIG one for me because I love beautiful things that tell stories and that have history- I am a magpie.  Also things give me the illusion of security – a childhood issue born out of poverty and insecurity I think that I have never faced in a daring way. I have only paid it lip service.   I am willing to let that (and things) go now. I’m willing to be happy with only the clothes on my back and a spot to rest my weary head and the people that matter around me.

It is time for me to find the beauty and history and stories not in things as much as in people.  I’m thinking a good old stripping down of material things is sometimes also the good old stripping down of one’s pride/ego/defenses/buffers etc.

In a bid to touch down with what’s going on in South Africa and how to re-adjust to actually being there for longer than the usual month on holiday,  I have read some expats forums – which is fine and dandy except I can’t really claim to be an ex-pat even though thanks to my fathers blood and according to my passport I am British.   However I do not think of myself as British, more as hybrid creature.

Recently I had to fill in a nationality form at a  London Hospital. They listed masses of cultures to choose from.  Even South African.  But I could not bring myself to tick it. I eventually found a box that said other…fill in…so I did. British South African. My identity is in permanent crisis!

Soooo – expat?   Maybe a new word – ‘repat’?

Mmmmm – I don’t intend to not be here in the UK some of the time. Maybe half-pat will do the trick!

Sometimes people who live chasing the sunny climes  between SA & the UK are called ‘swallows’ – I quite like that as it remind’s me of my birds dream.  Perhaps it will work out this way for us.  If it could it would be wonderful in many ways.

Despite a zinging raw gut burn today I knuckled down and cleaned and cleared our lounge and entrance hall. I’m so knackered I am resorting to bed now at all of 7pm – but it looks great and inspires me to keep it up.  I will go through the kitchen tomorrow and so on until everything is in order and good to leave.

I have arranged to visit friends before I go & sorted out some one to water my plants and my orchids.   I also ordered a few ‘guilt’ toys for Ruby & Zenni on the internet today and am working on buying all their food as I won’t be here to cook for them (how spoilt are they!).  It’s going to be a wrench to leave them, but luckily my son is great with them!

What a beautiful day it was here in Surrey today.   A blue sky.  Even a little warmth. Everywhere people walking dogs, kids, smiling and happy.

We walked the dogs around the park which was jam packed.  Loads of people celebrating the weather with kids on bikes and scooters, teens biking up the ramps, toddlers being swung…wonderful!

I am not in great nick, walking is quite an effort.   We went slowly and I felt rather ancient but I’ll be boogered if this gastritis is going to rule my every waking hour.  I’m hoping my body will get the message that it is still in use so it better get better!

It amazes me how complicated a WLS becomes when one is ill.  Gastritis is, I think, going to go onto my list of nightmare things to deal with  when one needs many stomach gnawing multivits & gritty minerals plus lot’s of protein.  I struggle and struggle.  My day begins with feeling as though a cart horse has kicked my guts nice and hard. This is good actually – I can live with the bruised achiness. What completely floors me is when my chest burns rawly and even breathing feels hard to do.  Plus the strange back pain that arises with it – so weird!  Mercifully I am down to only one or two burning episodes at the moment – much better than a full day of it. It’s been weeks and it’s the slow train to China on the healing front.I am getting so fed up.

Today I managed:

Chicken livers – 22gms protein

A tiny bite of carrot cake – fearfully taken…

A little cottage pie -12 gms protien

Fortified milk – 15gms

Lot’s of gaviscon – plus omeprazole.

A piss poor day in all – but I just cannot face food in what feels like a distended raw gut.  I might try for another fortified milk just now but I feel a bit nauseas tonight.

4 multivits, no calcium, no zinc. Both calcium and zinc seem to hugely intensify the burning so I am giving them a break. Dubious whether the calcium would be absorbed anyway.

I realise how anal I am when it comes to vits etc – I hate not taking them!  I have become hugely strange in this respect.  I kind of dither around the bottle of V4Life before realising it is for the best right now to abstain. Vitamins are my addiction – lol!  Jeez, how perfect can one get!  

The entire weekend as if to blatantly add to my misery and rub my nose in it -  I have had the runs.  Spurty smelly watery gusts of liquid stool….happy DS days.  I flash on others who are dealing with this – it is so not easy and I am reminded of why I feel such empathy for them.

I’m now considering going through the GP hoop againnnn (so daunting *sigh*) to try to get antibiotics as I fear a blooming overgrowth has taken hold.  I’m desperate as my date to go to SA is looming ever closer and the constant health issues bite into my little time.  I’m dead nervous about going in this state too – but really need to be there with Pete – plus there are various family commitments as well. Sweet bejesus – the stress I feel at times is huge!

I have to remind myself to calm down and not go into a full blown state of anxiety.

Anyhoo. Enough bleating..holy &%$£ can I moan! ops:

After walking the dogs Pete and I got into the silver bullet car and drove – roof down through the Surrey Hills. I was nervous on account of unpredictable bowels and packed spare knickers, baby wipes and my own smell busting aromatherapy spray just in case. Thankfully my bowels behaved themselves for the duration of the drive.  http://www.surreyhills.org/The-Surrey-Hills/The-Surrey-Hills-Landscape.aspx

Still a fav spot for us and we are lucky to live quite close to it.

We stopped at a gorgeous teahouse in Gomshall.  http://wadeyjames.wordpress.com/2011/07/16/tillings-cafe-gomshall-surrey/

The tables were adorned with fresh tulips and it had a fresh clean contemporary yet homely vibe. Overlooked by a stuffed fox that adorns the interior we had some really good tea. Pete was hugely delighted to see all the amazing cake choices – they have a well laden counter with loads of delicious looking cakes.  Poor man – living with a protein freak it’s a rare thing to even see, let alone eat cake in our house!  He chose a delicious slice of carrot cake and scones laced with strawberry jam & clotted cream. I managed a wee taste of the carrot cake which was I must say the best I have ever eaten in my entire life! I can highly recommend Tillings Cafe to anyone planning a visit that way.

After tea,  we drove along the winding roads through farmland and rolling hills scenery,  flanked by ancient forest and hedgerows and I was moved by the rural timeless beauty of everything.   I felt glad to be alive even if somewhat sore!

How much I love this country!  Since I have lived here it has crept deeply into my heart. I only wish the weather would always be so fine.

Tonight I am packing Pete’s suitcase – I cannot believe soon he will be in SA.  I have a few loose ends to sort out – but with feeling so shite will probably only manage the absolute priorities.

I’m gutted in a way because I had hoped to be a lot more organised by now.